


Prep School Graduation

by incorrectpsb



Category: Prep School Blues (Web Series)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-07-27 07:37:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 38,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16214480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incorrectpsb/pseuds/incorrectpsb
Summary: Before Chris Conner made a triumphant return to writing in 2018, we the Prep School Blues fandom never thought we'd get a follow up to Prep School Scandal, so I started writing my own! Chris is back now living his best life, but I'm gonna continue with this unofficial sequel I cooked up! Chris seems to be enjoying it, and apparently Sara Smaltz has also read it which is just. Wow.So I hope you enjoy the writings of an emotional meme lord who just wants her children to be happy.





	1. Simone and Damien Explain it All

**Author's Note:**

> Update: Chris Conner has returned from the war! And he reads my fanfic! Oh wow! And apparently so does Sara Smaltz! I’m calm I promise
> 
> So Chris Conner is back at it writing Prep School Blues content again and I am SO hyped! I’m really happy for him, it’s tough getting back on the horse after a long break. But Prep School Rivals is on the way and I could not be more thrilled!
> 
> So yeah I originally started this because I hate unfinished stories and legit never thought we’d get a follow up to Prep School Scandal, but now it looks like we will! I’m gonna keep going with this because people seem to like it (thanks so much for your support!), but this shouldn’t be seen as me trying to correct Chris’ work or tell him what to do in his upcoming books. This is just something fun for me to write, that other people can enjoy too if they’d like! Hooray! <3

A/N: **So, not being a writer, there were certain story threads I intensely did not want to follow up on, whether it was because I did not enjoy writing about them or I didn’t feel like I was a good authority to talk about the subjects that these characters and plotlines covered. Therefore, I’ve written a little tongue-in-cheek prologue to get the ball rolling and explain why I won’t be writing about certain characters in this fic and wrapping their stories up best I can! It’s told from the point of view of Simone and Damien, two minor characters that appear sporadically throughout the books. I hope you enjoy their adventure in breaking the fourth wall and shattering it to pieces. (The first chapter gets kinda dark because of where the last book left off so I’m glad I had opportunity to write a fun little chapter like this!)**

The relentless snowfall of the past few weeks had well and truly left Beaumont glistening. Gaudy strings of lights decorated almost every available tree and building while carollers paraded the streets struggling to keep a tune. Simone and Damien sat on a bench overlooking the streets of the small town they called home; far from the noise and bustle of the big cities but no less drowned in drama. Christmas almost seemed like it was mocking Beaumont. The cheery atmosphere felt especially false this year.

Simone struggled to turn the page of her copy of No Exit with her gloved hand while Damien sat leaned forward, resting his head in one hand, lost in thought. Today was… different. Nothing felt right. Simone had been questioning herself all day. Why was she reading No Exit? What was her motivation? Why was she in this park? What choices led her here? What kind of person was she? Was she the type of person smart enough to ask herself things like this, or should she have remained ignorant? Simone gave up fighting with her stubborn page and turned to her friend. Or was he her friend? She wasn’t sure.

“What’s wrong?” Simone asked, noticing that something seemed off with Damien as well. She didn’t know if she was the kind of person to show concern. Should she have asked him at all? Should she have, instead of concerning herself with Damien, come to the logical conclusion that it’s difficult to turn pages while wearing gloves and she should either take them off and read with cold hands or invest in a Kindle? Why was she thinking any of this? It was a strange day today.

Damien sighed and leaned back against the bench. He looked at Simone, and then down at his lap, fumbling with his hands. “This is gonna sound so weird but… do you feel like we’ve been asleep for years? Okay no, not asleep, but like… not physically here? Like we’ve been frozen in time?”

Simone leaned closer to Damien, her eyes wide with shock. He nailed it. “Oh my God, yes. It’s like we’ve been dormant, just waiting here. I swear it’s been Christmas for five years.”

Damien nodded profusely, seemingly thrilled that someone felt the same. “Yes! I feel like I’ve been sitting on this bench for-EVER! My ass is FROZEN, Simone!”

“Okay, good to know, Damien…” Simone paused for a moment. Would it be weird to tell Damien how she was feeling today? Maybe, but… then again, he shared his weird feelings with her, and she had felt exactly the same. Okay, she was just going to… come out with it.

“Damien, who am I?”

He cocked his head. “Is this a drama exercise?”

Simone sighed, sagging her shoulders. “Ugh, never mind.”

“No, no, I got this…” said Damien. “You’re… um… well, you’re Simone!

“Well observed…”

“No, I mean… we did drama club together and… I think we had a thing? Is it weird that I’m not sure if we had a thing?”

“Not really, I can’t remember either. Maybe it wasn’t worth remembering in the grand scheme of things.”

Damien wondered what Simone meant by ‘the grand scheme of things’, but Simone had already asked another question. Was she usually this inquisitive? He couldn’t remember.

“Okay, great, but… who am I? What do I like, what do I not like? What makes me cry, what makes me feel ashamed, what makes me happy, what am I afraid of, what’s my heart’s desire? WHAT’S MY HEART’S DESIRE, DAMIEN?!”

“Jesus Christ, Simone, how am I supposed to know?!”

There was an awkward silence, and then Damien spoke again. “I… don’t know anything about myself either.”

The two sat there for a moment and wondered how they’d made it so far in life with not a lot of personality to their names. 

“Why do you think we’re like this, then?” said Simone nonchalantly. She didn’t seem overly fazed now that she knew Damien felt similarly to her.

Damien turned to face her, which he soon realised was a mistake. He had pivoted away from the part of the seat that his butt had been keeping warm and now his poor frozen ass was even colder. “Okay, you know what you said about the ‘grand scheme of things’?”

“Yeah, I don’t know where that came from, it just kind of came out”—

“Okay, but think about it… we are the only two people in this town that literally nothing happens to. Think about it: Jack, Larsen, Edgar, Rachel, Gabby, Fareed, Tracy, Brandon, Elena – and then there’s us. Why are we here? What’s the point of us?”

“I feel like you forgot some people.”

“Did I? Huh. Shall we discuss that in weirdly specific detail for nobody’s benefit in particular?”

“I don’t see why not, it’s become clear that we don’t really have personalities that would suggest that it’s out of character for us to do so.”

“Which one of us is talking right now? Do you think anyone can tell?”

“Probably not. Let’s begin our strange lengthy discussion about people in our lives we don’t seem to interact with a whole lot, yet for some reason they are important to us.”

“Yes, conversational partner, let’s do that.”

Damien reached to his right and picked up a newspaper that has definitely been here the whole time. He scanned the first page, which conveniently had all the information he needed to relay to Simone regarding people in their lives that were important before, but would no longer feature in their lives for multiple reasons.

“Okay,” Damien said, like he was preparing to launch into a speech. “So there’s Miranda Winters. Remember her?”

Simone rolled her eyes. “Oh God do I remember her. The creepy woman who tries to steal money from her kid and banged Mr London a bunch of times. Why was she even here, do you know?”

“I haven’t a clue,” Damien said. “Maybe it’s like you said, ‘the grand scheme of things’… it’s like we’re all puzzle pieces in a big story, you know? Maybe Miranda was here to add some sort of antagonist to said story? In any case, we don’t need to worry about her anymore,” Damien tapped his index finger against a headline in the newspaper. “She’s in jail.”

Simone raised her eyebrows and leaned in to read the newspaper. “What? Why?”

“Um, Simone, she had sex multiple times with a student under the age of consent. Of course she’s in jail.”

“Oh, yeah.” Simone began to wonder why they’d all turned on Brandon for that. He was a tool, but that didn’t make him responsible for a situation in which an adult makes sexual advances on a teenager who cannot lawfully consent. He was the victim here, but still a garbage fire of a person.

“So, Miranda’s gone… I'm gonna miss her refreshingly unapologetic douchebaggery, in a way,” Simone said pensively. “So, does that very convenient newspaper that seemed to magically appear to us when we needed it the most have anything else to tell us?”

“Yeah, actually,” said Damien, turning the page. “Remember that thing with Edgar’s brother?”

“Oh yeah,” said Simone. “Did Edgar… always have a dead brother?”

“Well, it does come out of the blue a little, but it does elicit empathy, I suppose. I know he was pretty popular anyway because of his strong personality and defiance of both gender and sexuality stereotypes, but given where the grand scheme of thing seems to be headed with a big confrontation between Edgar and Larsen, it would really help for Edgar to have some kind of motive behind attacking Larsen; having issues dealing with his grief which leads to unpredictable and harmful behaviour if he thinks he’s going to experience loss again through Jack. Edgar’s a good character with a lot of potential.”

Simone raised one eyebrow. “A good… character?”

Damien’s eyes widened. “Did I… say that?” God, today was weird.

“Anyway, Damien, Edgar’s brother.”

“Right. So, I reckon Edgar’s brother is a good addition to Edgar’s overall backstory and motivation, but the murder mystery is a lot to carry over to this new story that's unfolding. There’s enough drama already with Jack and Larsen’s budding romance in a homophobic and repressive small town, as well as Gabby’s pregnancy, Fareed’s inevitable return, whatever the hell’s going on with Rachel and of course, the oncoming clash between Edgar and Larsen. We don’t need extra suspense, if there’s too much going on the grand scheme of things can feel bloated and there’s no room for anything else, or people like us.”

Simone nodded her head in agreement. “Okay, so what should we do about that? Are you saying we should… solve the murder?”

Damien laughed. “No, the newspaper of convenience has done that for us. It was those weirdos, Cary and Marco. They’re in jail now too.”

“Oh…” Simone seemed disappointed. “Well, how did they do it? Why did they do it? We know Richard and Marco had a thing but… why commit murder over that? What did it add? What was going on with those guys? Will we ever know?”

Damien shrugged. “We may never know. I say we just move on.”

“That seems despicably lazy.”

“Did you really wanna spend time that could be spent with Tracy on Cary and Marco?”

Simone conceded immediately. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Damien put down the newspaper. He and Simone sat in silence for a moment, watching the snowfall and the rest of Beaumont going about their lives. Would they come to the same conclusions as Simone and Damien just did about themselves? Or were these two really the most insignificant people in this town?

Simone was the first to break the silence. “Okay so… should we go?”

Damien’s shoulders stiffened. “I’m scared we’ll go into that weird ass limbo we were in before this conversation if we go.”

Simone nodded, the same fear striking her. “Maybe we should get out of Beaumont then?”

Damien’s face lit up. “Yes! Where should we go?”

“I hear Detroit’s nice this time of year?”

“Cool! Should we like, tell our families?”

“I don’t think anyone cares about us enough to read about us doing that. I’d be surprised if anyone made it this far.”

“Fair enough!”

And so Damien and Simone, grinning from ear to ear, joined hands and skipped away, never to be seen by the residents of Beaumont again. They went on to enjoy happy, exciting lives and impacted a great many people with their raunchy adventures. The two even became quite famous for them. But that’s a story for another day.


	2. Picking Up the Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dark, and I'm sorry about that. I wanna make this fic fluffy and fun, but Prep School Scandal ended in such a gloomy, miserable place that I really didn't feel comfortable ignoring all that. So here's a dark, pretty downer chapter to make way for cheerier ones in the future. I hope you enjoy it! *dabs nervously*

When Gabrielle opened her eyes, she was blinded. Bright white lights illuminated her elegant Renaissance gown and obscured the view of her surroundings. She turned her head to the right. As her eyes adjusted, she found herself being watched by a crowd of deadpan faces. She grunted in confusion and felt a soft satin under her bare arms and back where she lay. She began to sit up and look around, trying to make sense of where she was. She realised she was lying in a coffin. Panic set in before Gabby realised she was in the school auditorium. This was Romeo and Juliet, and the audience was awaiting Juliet’s final monologue. It was her time to shine.

Gabby almost laughed giddily with relief. She wasn’t pregnant, and the hypothetical baby was in no danger. She must have fallen asleep during Brandon’s awful acting and dreamed the whole thing. Oh Lord, what she wouldn’t give to go back in time and overhear him stumble over his lines. She looked down from her prop deathbed to gaze upon his atrocious attempt at playing dead, but he wasn’t there. She froze. Larsen was in his place. Larsen was playing Romeo.

Oh… did they recast again? That’s very short notice… oh well, the show must go on or whatever Ms Winters was always going on about. Besides, now she wouldn’t have to worry about him coming to see her perform. 

Well, time to get moving with the final scene. It was a big one. What was the line again? Oh right, of course, she needed to talk to Friar Laurence. Oh, that’s strange, Friar Laurence is being played by Headmaster DuBois, thought Gabby. She didn’t know he liked drama.

She recited all her lines with elegance and grace; she was the perfect Juliet. Gabby’s audience was enthralled by her and she knew it. Everything was going to be okay. It was all just a bad dream. She fought to keep the smile from her face as she recited Juliet’s words of agony at the loss of her love. It could not have been further from how she was really feeling. Right now, Gabrielle was experiencing a rebirth of sorts. She had a new appreciation of life. Her life belonged to her again, and she would never take it for granted. 

She turned to Larsen, her unexpected Romeo, and murmured, “I will kiss thy lips; haply some poison yet doth hang on them to make die with a restorative.”

She prepared to climb down from her coffin and kiss Larsen, and the memories of their passionless nights together came flooding back to her. They didn’t faze her anymore; she was safe now. She had so much to look forward to. I’m going to break up with him after the play, Gabby thought to herself nonchalantly. There was no point clinging to the guy anymore; she had a whole life to live.

Suddenly, a sharp pain erupted in Gabrielle’s stomach. Cold metal had pierced through her skin and had been lodged there. Larsen was awake, and his face was furious; he looked almost possessed. The dagger that Juliet was supposed to stab herself with was in Gabby’s stomach. It was sticking out of her suddenly enormous belly. Gabby stared at it in horror; she was pregnant after all, and in a very late stage it would seem. And Larsen had just ran a dagger into her baby. The sound of an infant’s agonised cries echoed throughout the auditorium. Gabby let out a blood-curdling scream, but the audience was laughing.

“No, no, please, don’t do this!” Gabby cried and pleaded, trying desperately to pry the knife from her body. She had to save her baby. She had to save the only thing that still loved her, the only thing that still needed her. “Take it out, please, I’m begging you!”

She looked up to face Larsen, and immediately regretted it. He looked like a monster; his face was all wrong. His skin was abnormally pale and too tight around his face, making him look like a skeleton. There were dark rings around his eyes, which had gone from a warm brown to a dark, sinister shade of grey. He grinned a horrendous toothy grin from ear to ear, let out a spine-chilling laugh and spat out one, haunting word that ricocheted off the walls of the performance space even louder than the piercing laughs the audiences were letting out at her expense.

“Slut.”

Gabby screamed and screamed, but still the audience laughed uproariously. The blood pouring from her baby had covered the stage; Larsen was practically wading through it. An invisible force pushed her onto her back, and she couldn’t get up. Larsen, laughing along with the couple’s sadistic spectators, began to close the coffin lid over her. Her kicks and screams did nothing to stop the dying of the light. The lights and the sounds of the stage were fading at such a cruelly slow pace.

She pleaded and cried and begged, and then there was only silence and darkness.

*

“Gabrielle! Gabrielle, it’s alright!”

Gabby awoke with a start. Bright lights blinded her all over again and she screamed, terrified that her horrible nightmare was going to repeat itself. There was a hand on hers, holding it tightly. An older woman’s voice was desperately trying to talk over Gabby’s screams. Gabby realised the bright lights were from a hospital bedroom, and soon enough she recognised the voice. It was the voice she’d been longing to hear for so many awful weeks; the most soothing sound in the world. She turned her head and saw her mother, whose eyes were red, raw and puffy from crying. 

“Gabrielle…” Adalgisa’s face crumpled. Gabby was taken aback, as she had never seen her mother look so utterly defeated before. She wasn’t used to this at all. She had wanted her mother by her side for so long because she so desperately needed her incredible resilience to combat Gabby’s cluelessness about her situation. And now, she looked just as broken and as lost as Gabby felt right now. But Gabby didn’t care; her mother was here. Everything would be okay now.

“Mommy…”

Adalgisa embraced her daughter tightly and the two women sobbed onto each other’s shoulders. They clung to each other as if letting go meant certain death. They didn’t break the hug for several minutes.

“Mom, there’s something I need to tell you,” Gabrielle murmured after a long while, rubbing tears from her eyes.

“I know, sweetheart, I know,” said Adalgisa softly, cupping her daughter’s face in her hands. “I’m so sorry…”

Gabby had to resist cocking her head in confusion.

“But mom, I”—

“I don’t care. We’ll figure it out. I thought I’d lost you, and I never want to go through that again.” Adalgisa pushed a stray strand of hair behind Gabby’s ear. “From now on, whatever you need, your father and I are right here by your side.”

Gabby smiled for a split second, but suddenly her face dropped in horror.

“My baby—oh god my baby—mom what happened to it”—

Adalgisa softly and slowly pulled Gabrielle into her arms, shushing her all the while and stroking her hair. “The baby is going to be okay. It was a close call, but it’s going to be fine.”

“You don’t sound sure, mom.”

Adalgisa began to twirl stray strands of Gabby’s hair around her fingers, a sensation her daughter had always loved as a child. “They’re worried that when the baby comes… it might be a little… different… it's not set in stone, but they think the baby might have an illness once it’s born.”

Gabby exhaled in relief. She thought her mother was going to tell her something terrible.

“That’s okay,” Gabby whispered into her mother’s blouse. “That’s perfect. My baby’s alive.”

Gabby didn’t care if the baby came out with two heads; she would love it no matter what. No matter what Larsen or her parents or anyone at school said, this baby was hers. She would love it more than anything in the world.

Gabby suddenly recoiled from her mother’s grip. She looked intensely into her eyes. They looked just like her own. Gabrielle realised, in that moment, that all these protective thoughts rushing through her head about her own child, that was barely anything more than a clump of cells right now, were the exact same thoughts Adalgisa had about her. Gabby thought in horror of how awful it must be to outlive your child. Both her and her mother had almost known how that felt today.

Adalgisa let out a sob and looked at the floor, her shaking hand squeezing Gabby’s so tightly it was beginning to hurt. “Please don’t leave us, sweetheart…”

Gabby collapsed into her mother’s arms and the two shared another long embrace.

*

The train rushed over Jack’s head as he sat in the snow, in his and Larsen’s spot in the woods. He didn’t know where else to go after leaving the hospital. Edgar had dropped him off at home, and as soon as Jack got out the car he just started running. Edgar had called out after him and he didn’t even turn around. He couldn’t be with his family right now. He especially didn’t want to be around Edgar; the guilt of having such a wonderful night with him while Larsen was in such pain was too much to handle. He didn’t want to be with anyone or anything except the sound of the trains. The memory of the first time Larsen had brought him here soothed him for a moment.

He felt soul-crushingly guilty; while he had been spending his evening in glorious throes of ecstasy with Edgar, Larsen had been having the worst night of his life. He couldn’t stop thinking about that. It had been so amazing, having all his fantasies fulfilled by firelight with a boy he really deeply cared about. He had truly forgotten about his feelings for Larsen for a few heavenly moments. It had really seemed like he could get over him. But that was just it; Edgar was only a temporary distraction. The second he received that phone call from Rachel, his love for Larsen came rushing back, hitting him right in the heart like a truck driving at full speed. It was somehow even stronger.

He wanted what he had with Edgar with Larsen. He had been trying to convince himself that he could be happy with Edgar, when he really just wanted Larsen. And it wasn’t fair to Edgar at all.

Jack got up and began to walk home, slowly, as he gathered his thoughts and decided what he was going to say to Edgar. He knew a future with Larsen was uncertain, especially with the baby (if it survived this), but even if it turned out to be impossible, Edgar deserved to move on and be with someone who could love him the way Jack loved Larsen.

When Jack arrived home after a long, blister-inducing walk, Edgar’s car was gone and Rachel’s was in its place. A wave of relief swept over him; he knew he would have to talk to Edgar sooner or later, but he was thrilled to postpone it for at least a little while.

As he walked inside, he saw Elena and Rachel hugging each other tightly. Elena was crying. They quickly broke away when they saw Jack enter, as if they were ashamed of implying that they needed comfort more than him right now.

Both women looked at Jack, trying their best to regain their composure. Elena’s eyes were puffy and red, while Rachel’s were dry. She was clearly distraught; large black bags hung under her eyes and her face was completely blank, but she had held off on crying. She looked so spectacularly stoic. It was as if Rachel were the adult in this situation, holding everything together to the best of her ability. Rachel had always been like that. Rachel had always been there for him, doing her best to keep him out of trouble. Maybe her methods could be a bit off, and maybe Jack had thought she overreacted sometimes, but she had never had anything but Jack’s best interests at heart. She was his best friend. He needed her right now.

“Jack, honey…” Elena sniffed and stood up. “Everything’s going to be okay. Everything will be alright, love.”

Rachel gave a small smile in agreement, but she didn’t seem sure. Jack burst into tears and fell into his grandmother’s embrace.

Rachel lost track of how long she sat there in silence, watching Jack’s meltdown. She waited patiently for him to let it all out, and she stayed long after he had fallen silent. Elena went to bed, and still Rachel stayed with Jack. She barely said a word, hoping the silence would give Jack all the freedom he needed to talk about it. He didn’t use it, so it was a long silence. She stayed with him until he fell asleep that night, lying on the couch with his head on Rachel’s lap, having exhausted himself too much to climb upstairs to his bedroom. Rachel hadn’t minded the quietness that followed the tears. He would talk when he wanted to, but he wasn’t ready to right now, and that was okay. 

When Jack was sound asleep, Rachel covered him in the most comfortable chair throw she could find and crept out of the house, locking the door behind her and pushing the key through the letterbox. She hoped the clang of metal on the floorboards didn’t wake Jack or Elena. As she walked to her car, she thought about how early she’d have to be up tomorrow to get here in time to make Jack some breakfast. Probably quite early, but she didn’t care. When Rachel Miller’s best friend in the whole world was sad, then by God she would do everything in her power to make sure he at least woke up in the morning to eggs and bacon.

*

In the days that followed, Jack had been spending every available moment by Larsen’s side. Even at school or at home, Jack was mentally with him. Larsen usually occupied most of Jack’s thoughts anyway, but the worry and shock of almost losing him like that had multiplied the amount of time he spent on Jack’s mind. Everyone else had given up trying to get Jack’s attention, which he secretly quite enjoyed. He was so tired of people tiptoeing around him, nervously patting his shoulder and asking him if he was okay, bro. Rachel was the only one he liked being around when he wasn’t at the hospital; she knew why Jack wasn’t entirely here, and she knew he’d be back soon when he was ready. They mostly hung out in silence, watching movies neither of them were focussing on or eating meals that tasted of cardboard.

Larsen loved Jack’s visits; his family weren’t the best company. They always visited him as a group for some reason, and they’d always get in arguments over his hospital bed which he usually pretended to be asleep during. The most recent one he’d had to endure involved his father making an ill-advised quip about the importance of using protection to avoid accidental pregnancies like Gabby’s, and how he himself might have been better off if he’d used it the night Larsen was conceived. Larsen’s mother cried, he was fairly certain Steve had thrown a punch and Larsen was practically elated when the nurse threw them out. When he opened his eyes to check if it was safe to stop feigning sleep, Jack had been waiting at the door, and to say it was a sight for sore eyes was putting it mildly. 

“Hey,” Larsen said with a tired grin, having pretended to be out cold for so long he was very nearly there.

Jack walked tentatively towards Larsen. “That one sounded bad.”

“Yeah,” said Larsen, coughing to clear his throat and sitting upright. “I wish the nurse would stop letting them in.”

Jack sat down and instinctively reached for Larsen’s hand. They’d been spending the large majority of their time together holding hands. It happened so frequently they barely even noticed they were doing it anymore, it was their default position. Larsen found it comforting and saw no reason not to.

“They’re letting me out tomorrow,” said Larsen, before sarcastically adding, “just in time for Christmas.”

Jack squeezed Larsen’s hand. Larsen squeezed back.

“Have you been to see Gabby yet?” said Jack in a small voice.

Larsen gritted his teeth and shook his head. “I will though, before I go home. I really regretted when… not visiting Fareed, you know?” He paused. “Our baby’s alright. They told me it might come out… different, but it’s okay.”

Jack suddenly felt guilty; he hadn’t visited Gabrielle either. Should he have? What would he even say to her? Should he come up with some excuse to visit her so it wouldn’t be awkward?

“Should I…?” Jack fumbled for something that could potentially justify showing up in Gabby’s room. “Should I bring her the homework?”

Larsen had to laugh; homework and parenthood were never something he considered having to worry about simultaneously. “What?”

“We have a paper to write on A Streetcar Named Desire…” muttered Jack, staring at the ground and blushing. “Stupid idea…”

“Hey,” Larsen said, raising his hand to lift Jack’s chin so he was facing him. “It’s a great idea.” Jack had been making Larsen so happy, he figured why not see if he could do the same for Gabby?

His hand didn’t leave Jack’s chin once he’d finished talking. He began to fondly stroke Jack’s face with his thumb. Larsen recalled the night he'd done this when they slept under the stars together, only this time Jack was aware of it. His heart raced and Jack started blushing. Jack’s shy smile and pink cheeks were so adorable that Larsen let out a small laugh.

Larsen only dropped his hand when he was startled by someone standing in the doorway. Ugh, really? He would have preferred to see his entire family enter preparing for a full on knife fight than to tolerate a visit from Edgar.

“Oh, hey Edgar,” Jack said as calmly as he could. He didn’t expect to see Edgar right now, and felt unprepared for the conversation they were about to have. He forced a smile. Edgar did not return it; he was glaring darkly at Jack and Larsen’s intertwined hands. He never wanted Larsen to hold Jack’s hand ever again.


	3. Mini Marshmallows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I swear things are gonna start looking up for Edgar later. Enjoy Jack and Rachel being wholesome!

Edgar offered to drive Jack home, and Jack only accepted so he could force himself to sit down and talk to Edgar. He figured that if he was alone in a car with him he’d be less inclined to literally run away to the woods to avoid having this conversation.

They spent a few minutes in an intense silence, which Edgar was the first to break.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” said Edgar, the hurt in his voice evident. Jack hadn't expected him to be quite so blunt, it had caught him off guard.

“I’ve just been really busy, um… with Rachel and Larsen and my grandma…”

“Oh you’ve been busy alright,” said Edgar darkly. The venom in his voice shocked Jack. He knew Edgar could be frightening, like when he unleashed hell on Larsen at the fight club, but he’d always thought that Edgar would regard him with the kind warmth that Jack loved about him. He appeared to have been wrong.

“Edgar, you know how worried I’ve been about Larsen, he could have died,” Jack said in a small voice. “Spending all this time with him isn’t personal”—

“Well it doesn’t feel that way, Jack,” Edgar snapped, staring furiously at the road. 

Jack went on the defensive, a decision he would regret later. “You’re being selfish, Edgar.”

Edgar slammed on the brakes when they reached a set of traffic lights far more aggressively than was necessary and Jack was thrown against his seatbelt. He could feel himself being unreasonable, he really could. He didn’t want to push Jack away like this. He didn’t want to lose someone he loved again. But he thought of Jack with Larsen, with Jack looking so content holding his hand, and how even though Edgar had spent far more intimate a night with Jack than Larsen ever had, he still could never make Jack happy as he was when he was by Larsen’s side. Angry tears stung Edgar’s eyes.

“What does he have that I don’t?” Edgar practically spat out, his voice shaking and his face turning away from Jack. Jack couldn't see him cry. Jack didn't deserve his tears.

Jack looked out his window, unable to face Edgar. Edgar did have everything; a genuinely good heart, a warm personality and feelings for Jack. Edgar was willing to go further than Larsen ever had, and most likely further than he ever would. If the heart were as logical as the mind, Jack would be in love with Edgar and not Larsen. But life just didn’t work that way.

“Edgar… I’m sorry… can’t we just be friends?”

Jack genuinely meant it. He wanted Edgar in his life, he cared deeply for him. But in response to this, Edgar gripped the steering wheel so tightly that his knuckles turned white, and his whole body started shaking. Jack’s honest wish for a friendship with Edgar had been misinterpreted as a desperate attempt to make Edgar feel better about dumping him, and Jack knew it. He opened his mouth to salvage the situation and do his best to explain himself, but Edgar cut him off, determined to let Jack know exactly how he felt about being pitied.

“Get the fuck out of my car.”

He sounded so hateful. Jack's heart sank to the ground; Edgar had just spoken to him the way he spoke to Larsen and it was nothing short of heartbreaking. Jack didn’t want to, but not wanting to provoke further lividity from Edgar, he obliged and gingerly climbed out of the car. Edgar drove off at such a shocking speed that Jack barely had time to close the door properly behind him.

Jack sighed and hung his head in defeat, dragging his feet all the way home. It wasn’t far, Edgar had kicked him out only a few blocks from his house. Jack just didn’t understand why this kept happening to him; first Larsen cut him out of his life because he thought Gabby wouldn’t like him, and now Edgar had rejected his friendship because of Jack’s association with Larsen. Why did other people have to affect whether or not he could even be seen in public with someone? Why couldn’t everyone just get along? Rachel couldn’t stand Larsen at first, and maybe they did get a little too friendly at one point, but she at least made an effort. She never cut Jack out of her life for being around Larsen. Jack thought Edgar never would either, until today. He didn’t know how much more he could take between nearly losing Larsen, and now no longer having Edgar in his life.

Rachel opened the door for him when he returned. Jack smiled upon seeing her. “Hey, Rachel.”

“Jack, did you walk here?” she said as Jack walked in and hung up his coat.

“Only some of the way…” he muttered, dejected. Rachel patted him on the back and ushered him over to the couch.

“Hot chocolate?” she said as Jack flopped onto the couch cushions, hanging his head back to stare at the ceiling.

“Yes,” he groaned. “Three.”

Rachel chuckled. “Let’s start with one each, huh? With mini marshmallows.”

“I love you, Rachel.”

She smirked as she reached for mugs. Speaking of people Jack loved…

“So, how did the visit go today?” she said, her voice still cheerful but now carrying an air of concern.

Jack didn’t respond, and instead sat up and hugged his legs to his chest. Rachel prepared the rest of the hot chocolates and placed them down on the coffee table, not stopping for coasters. She sat down next to Jack and put an arm around him. “Bad, huh?”

“No, it was fine,” said Jack in a shaky voice. “It’s just… Edgar… he drove me home… he’s really mad at me, Rachel…”

Rachel frowned. “Why?” Rachel was secretly glad that there was a chance Jack’s friendship with Edgar was over. She really didn’t trust him. And yet, even then, she didn’t want anything else adding to Jack’s pain. Larsen was getting out soon, and everything was going to be fine, and Rachel didn’t like the thought of Edgar getting dramatic over it just when Jack was starting to do better.

When Jack simply shrugged with his face buried in his knees, Rachel rubbed his shoulders. “I’m sure this can call be fixed, Jack. Think back, what did you say to him? Could he have taken something the wrong way?”

Jack sighed. He knew that that’s exactly what had happened.

“I told him I wanted to be friends with him, instead of… dating,” Jack eventually said. Was what he had with Edgar really “dating”? It felt like a very innocent term for it, but he didn’t feel like getting into that with Rachel.

Rachel grimaced. “Ah, the dreaded cliché.”

Jack turned to look at her. “But that’s the thing, I DO want to be his friend. I always wanted to be his friend, from the second we met. He just wants something more, and I could give him that, it just wouldn’t be right, considering…”

Jack's voice trailed off, but it hardly mattered. Rachel knew exactly why Jack couldn't give his heart to Edgar now. He didn't have to explain to her. Rachel leaned towards the table and brought Jack’s hot chocolate to him. “I know you had good intentions, Jack, you always do. It’s just not everyone does. So when you say things, totally meaning well, that other people usually say to manipulate people or take the easy way out of tricky situations like break ups, it can hurt. That’s all. He’ll come around, I’m sure he will.” Rachel secretly hoped he wouldn’t, but her opinion wasn’t what was important right now.

Jack smiled and took a sip from his mug. “I wish he’d come around now.”

Rachel patted Jack on the shoulder and got up. “It’ll all turn out alright. Hey, I’m gonna clean the kitchen a little, why don’t you tell me about your visit with Larsen?”

Jack was glad Rachel’s back was turned, he’d never hear the end of it if she’d seen him blushing at the memory of Larsen caressing his face. “His family are kind of upsetting him… I suggested maybe visiting Gabrielle, I could take her A Streetcar Named Desire…”

Rachel nearly dropped the glass she was stowing away in an overhead cupboard. “Oh, yeah… yeah, you should do that…”

Jack knew what Rachel was thinking. “Rachel, it’s okay, no one’s mad at you about the thing with Gabby anymore.”

That wasn’t the issue at all. Rachel was mad at herself about it. God, how could she have thrown all common sense and compassion out the window for some boy? 

“Oh yeah, Jack, I see you trying to change the subject over there,” Rachel teased, but her hands were shaking. 

“You should come with me tomorrow,” said Jack. Rachel really did drop the glass then. As she cleaned it up, she stumbled both literally and figuratively.

“Jack, no, she—she probably hates me—I’m the last person she wants to see, I—she needs to be with her family right now…”

“You’re scared of her.”

Rachel turned to look at him, bemused. “Yes. Of course I am. I made a move on her boyfriend and then attacked her in a shoe store.”

“Rachel, do you know who any of Gabby’s friends are?”

Rachel froze. She couldn’t name a single one. That Nikki girl didn’t seem to care that Gabby and her unborn child had just survived a life threatening accident, and since Fareed left and Larsen broke up with her she had rarely seen Gabby with anyone else. Even before that, Gabby had next to no girlfriends. Her only real company had been Nikki the drama hungry vulture who only seemed to show up when absolutely necessary and get invested in boy drama that didn’t concern her before fading into obscurity again.

“I don’t know…” said Rachel, more to herself than to Jack. “But look, even then that doesn’t mean she’s gonna want me around.”

Jack finished his hot chocolate and stood up. “I think you’re wrong, Rachel. At least think about it, okay?”

Rachel turned to face him, forcing the most convincing smile she could muster, having scooped up the shattered remains of the glass she had dropped with a brush and shovel. “Okay, I’ll think about it.”

And so she did; in fact she didn’t stop thinking about Jack’s suggestion that she and Gabby could actually be friends all day.

*

When the lights turned back to green, Edgar stepped on it and didn’t stop driving for a long time. He pulled over eventually, near the spot where the penultimate fight club session by the bonfire had taken place. He felt a rush of exhilaration at the memory of beating Larsen to a pulp.

It had happened again. Jack had left him, just like Richard had. Edgar had made it happen this time; he could feel it coming the second Jack had suggested they just be friends. He knew Jack didn’t really mean that he wanted to be Edgar’s friend, no one ever did. He’d only suggested that so Edgar wouldn’t feel like a total idiot after the night they shared together. So Edgar pushed and pushed until Jack was out of his life. He cut Jack out of his life for before Jack had the chance to do that to him. It was easier to abandon than to be abandoned.

Edgar began throwing punches, at everything and anything his fists could connect with. His knuckles made contact with solid rock a few times, and he didn’t care. He couldn’t stop. He was so tired of being the one to lose everything. Why was he the only one this seemed to happen to? Why was he the only one that really knew what loss felt like? And he couldn’t make Marco pay for what he did. He couldn’t bring Richard back. Even if Jack came running to him right now, taking back everything that had just happened, Richard was never coming back. The only person he really trusted was gone.

The memory of Edgar’s beloved brother’s face suddenly invaded his mind, bloated and gross from drowning. No more smiles or laughs or kind, caring eyes. No more promises to only trust each other, and certainly no more stories about lonely porcelain dolls who felt less lonely when they were together. Now Edgar didn’t trust anyone. In the absence of the one person he promised to trust, and the only person he had dared to let in again, he was alone.

Edgar collapsed, his chest heaving, but no tears would come out. He just felt empty and hollow. He lay on the ground in deafening silence and didn’t get up to drive home until the sun began to set.


	4. Making Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am so nervous about this one. So in the memes I always make, Fanon Gabby and Larsen have a very parent and child relationship. Basically, Gabby is like Larsen's semi-babysitter. Like in the "lemme see what you have? A knife! NO!" vine, Larsen's the little kid and she's the mum. But this was kind of a delicate situation that Chris had set up, and I wanted to respect that. It's probably super out of character, but oh well, I'm okay with it. I get if you're not, it's a little weird. But, y'know, not fight club weird. Enjoy (to the best of your ability)!

Larsen knew that Gabby had to stay in the hospital for a little longer than him; they were certain the baby would be fine, but they wanted to make sure. He wanted to visit her, to apologise for everything, but he was terrified. Larsen cut Fareed out of his life for the crime of being in love with his girlfriend (who he had never even been that crazy about in the first place), he couldn’t imagine what Gabby would do to him for refusing to be there for her when she needed him most. Above all, he was worried that he wouldn’t be permitted to have any place in their baby’s life.

Larsen stood outside Gabby’s door, his heart racing. He couldn’t face her again, he just couldn’t. But he had to. He knocked more aggressively than he’d intended to in his anxiety. 

“Come in,” said a startled voice from the other side of the door.

When Larsen entered, Gabby flinched in memory of her nightmare.

“Sorry, sorry,” Larsen began saying repeatedly, staring at the ground and backing out the doorway. He realised that in his relentless apologies, he was beginning to sound like Jack.

“No, no, it’s okay,” snapped Gabby, but she really meant it. This Larsen looked nothing like the vindictive, scary skeleton-esque monster from her dream. He didn’t even look like the Larsen she knew anymore. Something had changed; the bravado had shrunk right down and had been replaced with something resembling humility. She felt shy just looking at him. Well, this Larsen certainly didn’t seem like he was going to stab her in the stomach and lock her in a coffin.

Gabby was relieved when Larsen stopped retreating. “So… they told me you’re going home today.”

“Yeah, they said I’m good to go.” Crap, should he have said that to Gabby? She couldn’t leave for a while after all.

Gabby nodded, her face remaining stony. “Cool.”

There was an excruciating minute or so of silence that Gabby could hardly stand. “You can… sit if you want.” She had had such little contact with the outside world apart from her parents that even this awkwardness was better than nothing.

Larsen needed to say something. Anything. “So… how are things?” Anything but that.

Gabby rolled her eyes and smirked at the absurdity of that question. And then she laughed again. And again. Until eventually, she couldn’t stop. She was laughing like a lunatic, and honestly, it was the first time she’d legitimately felt halfway happy in a while. She saw Larsen staring at her with a look of utter bewilderment and laughed harder.

“Um… I don’t quite get the joke here,” said Larsen, who was honestly starting to feel quite insecure about the way Gabby's laughter increased every time she looked at him.

Gabby wiped tears from her eyes and, between fits of laughter, tried to explain. “It’s just… this is all so FUCKED!”

She fell back against her bed, her face turning purple as she laughed. “I’m PREGNANT! And it’s YOURS! And I’m in a HOSPITAL BED! Recovering from a car accident! While PREGNANT! I’m still at school! And the love of my life… he’s SO FAR AWAY! And you are so obviously into guys and you think no one can tell!”

Larsen tried to object to that last one, but Gabby was laughing so loudly and without pause that he couldn’t quite get a word in.

“I just… it’s so FUNNY! Who is doing this to us, Larsen?! WHO?!”

Gabby rolled over so she was laughing into her pillow. She began to calm down and sighed loudly. 

“It’s just… it’s all so fucked,” she said, her voice muffled as she spoke into her bed. She turned her head to face Larsen, not smiling anymore. “Do you think we can ever recover from this?”

Larsen averted her gaze and looked towards the floor. “I mean… I want to.”

Gabby sat up, winded from her hysterics. “Me too…”

Then Larsen let the question he’d been dying to ask since he found out Gabby was pregnant come clumsily tumbling out. “Are you keeping it?”

Gabby remembered who she was talking to and immediately regretted her laughing fit. He wasn’t going to understand how much she wanted this baby. As far as she was concerned Larsen understood nothing except whiskey, weed and repressing his gay thoughts. But ready or not, he had to know her plans. “Yes, of course I am. And don’t even try and stop me, Larsen, I’m not asking you for anything”—

But when she looked at him, he was almost smiling. He looked so relieved. This is the outcome he had wanted.

“Wait… you want this?” 

Larsen felt offended. What, did she think he was going to force her to get rid of it? What kind of person did she think he was? And what did that say about him?

“I don’t want… you, if that’s what you mean.” Oh God that had sounded so much better in his head.

“Shit, sorry,” Larsen stumbled over his apologies as he remembered the last thing he’d said to Gabby before she had taken all those pills. “I didn’t mean… look, I don’t think we should… that’s all I meant…”

Oh yeah, because Gabby was really in a hurry to get back together with this absolute mess of a human being.

“It’s okay. You were kinda right, we were a mistake. We were only together because of Fareed,” said Gabby softly, her voice trembling as she said Fareed’s name. Oh God, she wanted him here right now. She didn’t know if he would be understanding, and she didn’t care. She just wanted him here.

Larsen let out a small laugh, shaking his head. “He really obviously liked you. I don’t get why you were with me instead, looking back on it.”

Gabby shrugged. “It was… easy? I guess?” She paused briefly. “Getting with a guy you barely know to avoid dealing with the fact you’re in love with your best friend… it was just easy.”

She had expected Larsen to get offended by that, but she was pleasantly surprised when he grimaced and nodded in agreement. She could get used to this new Larsen.

Gabby suddenly realised that they were talking about something pretty small, versus the huge and seemingly unsolvable situation before them.

“So… how is this going to work?” said Gabby.

“I’ll be there, whatever you need,” said Larsen.

Gabby nodded. “Damn right you will be.”

There was another silence. Gabby thought about how much she preferred quiet Larsen over the Larsen she had dated for so long. She might have liked him a lot more if he was like this more often. She was the one to speak up first.

“I really want to keep it,” said Gabby. Larsen was looking at her now, but he wasn’t saying anything. 

“I didn’t want to be a mom a few weeks ago. It was the last thing I wanted,” she continued, her voice cracking on the word ‘mom’. “But then, after I took all those pills, and I realised… this little bump is the only thing I have left. I’m the only thing it has. I need to protect it. It’s like… it’s like I woke up in this room and all I could think about was this baby. It’s all I can think about. It's the only thing... I can’t lose it again.”

Larsen realised in that moment that he hadn’t driven Gabby to the hospital drunk off his ass to save his baby. He hadn’t even done it to save their baby; he’d done it to save Gabby’s baby. The little fighter that had escaped death, barely a few months old, could of course only belong to Gabrielle Cherrier. 

“Do you want me around?” said Larsen, more softly than Gabby had ever heard him speak before.

Gabby faced him then. “I don’t want to be with you, but I do want support. For the baby’s sake, if not for mine.”

Larsen nodded. “Yeah, of course. Whatever you need.”

Gabby was about to pretend to fall asleep to escape the suffocating awkward atmosphere, but then Larsen muttered something that made her wonder if it was, in fact, a clone version of Larsen she was talking to.

“Gabby, I’m really sorry.”

It was a sincere apology, not a knee-jerk 'sorry' to avoid confrontation a la Jack Winters. It sounded so strange coming out of his mouth. Gabby’s eyebrows furrowed. 

Larsen ran a hand through his hair. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry about Fareed, I’m sorry I said all that shit about you being the worst thing that ever happened to me, it’s probably the other way around, I’m sorry you’re here because of me, I’m just… I don’t know, I don’t think I’m doing this right, I don’t… I don’t normally DO this, it’s probably too late.”

Gabby sighed, sat up and looked out the window. “You’re right… you were the worst thing to ever happen to me.”

Larsen felt like he’d been punched in the gut, but then realised Gabby was flashing him something close to a cheeky smile. Was she trying to have banter with him?

Gabby started… chuckling? Oh God, she was going to start that weird laughing thing again. “Really think back, Larsen, like REALLY think back…what happened? With us? How did it happen?”

Larsen, after a solid few seconds of debating with himself whether or not to take this crazy laughing hyena version of Gabby seriously, really thought back. How had it happened with Gabby? They had literally just met and then they were dating? With Fareed right there, the person who Gabby had really loved for years and years? What had Larsen even seen in Gabby? Nothing had really drawn him to her, she was just kind of… there. Yet, he had freaked out so hard over her spending one innocent night with Fareed at a concert that he lost all his friends and his reputation. It had not been worth it. Why had he always been so worked up over his relationship with Gabby? He didn’t know. He really did not know.

And… it was kind of funny.

Larsen started laughing too. It was a small chortle at first, but then Gabby started laughing harder and Larsen followed suit. Oh God, now he couldn’t stop. The laughter certainly died down if he really concentrated but then he would look at Gabby and it would come back even stronger. They laughed so hard that they were starting to cry.

“We… we wasted so much time… TWICE!” Gabby shrieked, doubling over. “Why did we FORCE it like that?!”

“I… I don’t know,” gasped Larsen between guffaws. “We might have been friends! But now we’ll never know! It’s too WEIRD!”

“Well things can’t get worse than they are right now! Wanna be FRIENDS?!” 

Larsen laughed harder. “You want to be FRIENDS WITH ME?!”

“NO! Not in the slightest! But… fuck it! You and I made a baby! Let’s be FRIENDS!”

The two could not stop laughing. The sheer melodrama, the absolute absurdity of this whole situation; it was all too much. Neither of them knew what to do. They didn’t even know how to act around each other. 

Someone was entering the room. It was Jack, with a copy of A Streetcar Named Desire clutched in his hands. He began to launch into a prepared speech.

“Gabby, hi, it’s Jack from school, I thought maybe you’d”—

He fell silent at the sight before him. When Larsen saw Jack’s confused expression, he laughed so hard he fell off his chair.


	5. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is some Jarsen content for you to enjoy, and the return of a familiar character!

Larsen didn’t want to go home right away, and Jack knew Elena would want to see him. She’d been worried, and really needed a distraction from the Miranda situation. Jack was of course happy to have made an excuse to spend time with Larsen after he left the hospital, so they were headed to Jack’s house, and Jack was over the moon to finally share his big surprise with Larsen.

“Ta-daaaaaah!” Jack yelled, practically skipping over to Larsen’s newly refurbished Cadillac.

“Oh my God,” said Larsen, his face lighting up. “How?!”

“My grandma knows a guy!” Jack was practically bouncing up and down with glee. The sight of it gave Larsen butterflies. This was so pure.

Larsen pulled Jack into a tight hug. He didn't let go right away. Jack exhaled and relaxed into him. After a few seconds, Larsen pulled back and checked the trunk. 

“Damn it, Jack, no beer?” Larsen said jokingly. Jack rolled his eyes.

“Come on, get in, I’m driving,” he said, climbing into the driver’s seat.

The two boys kept grinning as they drove. Larsen found after a while that he wasn’t so much happy about the car as he was happy to be out of the hospital, and happy to be with Jack. Larsen watched him as he drove. He was lost in thought, focussed on the road. Jack was the only one Larsen really wanted around. He didn’t want to push him away anymore. He was about to speak, but then Jack piped up.

“Edgar’s really mad at me.” Oh God, he sounded utterly torn up about it.

Jack immediately regretted saying that. He was fairly certain Larsen had bigger problems right now than he did, but he couldn’t stop himself from saying it. Talking to Rachel about it had been reassuring, but he really needed Larsen to know.

“Yeah, what is going on with you two?” Larsen said, trying not to sound judgemental. He wasn’t trying to be bitter over the fact that Jack spent so much time with Edgar, he had just noticed a very awkward tension between the three of them whenever Edgar had intruded on a visit from Jack. 

“We had sex in a cabin,” Jack said so quickly it had all come out as one word. He had expected Larsen to be mad. He had no reason to be, but he expected it. But when he took his eyes off the road for a second to look at Larsen, he didn’t seem angry. He just looked confused.

“That’s… that’s nice Jack,” said Larsen. He didn’t have the energy to be mad about Edgar and Jack being together. He was too content being with Jack outside of a hospital room. “So… why would he be mad at you for that?” There was a silence so painful that Larsen just had to break it.

“Were you, like… really bad at it?” Larsen decided in that moment that maybe sometimes it was better to just not say anything.

“No!” Oh God, did that sound like he was blowing his own trumpet? “I mean, yeah, maybe…” Oh JESUS CHRIST, that didn’t sound any better!

“Shit, shit, no, that’s not—that’s not why he’s mad”—

Jack was struggling to find a way to say ‘Edgar is mad because I’m in love with you’ without actually telling Larsen that he was in love with him.

“I… I didn’t wanna be with him, that’s all.” Larsen’s heart did a backflip and he tried not to show it in his face.

“I told him I wanted to be friends,” said Jack.

“Cold blooded.” Larsen was joking, but Jack looked heartbroken.

“But I DO!” 

Larsen patted Jack on the shoulder. “Yeah, I know that, Jack.”

He didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t good with this stuff. The only time he’d broken up with someone was by drunkenly invading a party and making a scene, and then again with the same person. He was hardly the expert. Then he remembered: Jack was the one that had always been there for him after his breakups. Now he had to do the same.

“Edgar would be lucky to have a friend like you,” said Larsen softly, gazing at Jack. “I’m sure he’ll realise that soon.”

Jack allowed himself to smile a little at that. 

The car stopped in front of Jack’s house, and the boys realised then that Larsen’s hand hadn’t left Jack’s shoulder. Neither particularly minded. In fact, they both quite liked it.

Larsen looked out the window towards the house, squeezed Jack's shoulder affectionately and let go. "Let's go see grandma," said Larsen, grinning from ear to ear. He looked so happy and healthy. The image of him looking so broken and defeated after the accident invaded Jack's mind, as if his subconscious was trying to tell him, "he won't always be around. Tell him now". As Larsen turned and reached for the car door handle, Jack couldn’t stop himself. He was sick of keeping it in. He was so, so tired of pretending not to feel this way. Larsen had to know, he just had to. There was no point holding it in anymore. If he kept hiding it, one day it might be too late. But at the same time, an invisible but powerful force wouldn’t let him say it. If he said it, maybe Larsen would feel the same and everything Jack had wanted for so long would become real. But on the other hand, he might lose Larsen the same way he lost Edgar. He couldn’t handle that.

The words that came out as a result of these conflicting thoughts were not entirely as eloquent as Jack had hoped.

“I liked holding your hand.”

Larsen froze and turned to look at Jack. His heart was in his throat. “What?” He’d heard Jack perfectly, it was just all he could think to say in response.

Jack felt lightheaded, but had to finish what he started. “When we held hands so much in the hospital… I liked that.”

Larsen could feel his cheeks burning. He nearly choked on his words. “Yeah… yeah, me too, man.”

Oh wow, he really had to say “man” there, didn’t he? Larsen the outstanding hetero, Jack thought to himself.

But then Larsen took Jack’s hand. Their eyes met and neither looked away. 

“Thank you,” Larsen said so softly it was almost a whisper. He had been trying to thank Jack for visiting him at the hospital so frequently, but as he was saying it, he felt just ‘thank you’ was better. Jack had been so patient with him through everything. When he got back together with Gabby, when he got in that stupid fight club; every time he had pushed Jack away or hurt him, Jack had always taken him back in a heartbeat. He didn't know what he would have done if Jack had given up on him. He was so grateful.

Larsen began to lean towards Jack. Jack’s heart pounded so fast and so hard he’d be surprised if Larsen couldn’t actually hear it. It was happening.

Jack rested his forehead on Larsen’s, his eyes drooping shut. He could feel Larsen’s breath against his lips as he stroked Larsen’s face. It just felt so right. Jack wanted to freeze time right here in this moment. He wanted to always remember how it felt to know for sure that Larsen wanted him too.

Larsen moved in closer. He was so grateful for Jack. He was so happy that this boy he’d bullied out of his personal junkyard playground as a child had come back into his life in such an amazing way. He was so lucky to have Jack in his life, he always had been, and especially right now.

Oh God. Right now. Not now.

Larsen pulled away suddenly, opening his eyes. Everything was too complicated right now. He wanted Jack, and Jack wanted him. But Jack did not deserve all this drama. Jack had just broken up with the drama king of Beaumont; to drag him into the Gabby situation would be selfish. And if he told Jack this, he’d just want to be around more. That was the kind of person he was. Larsen wasn’t going to let him give up his life to deal with his messes.

Larsen stuttered, trying to mask the vulnerability he had just shown. “Look, buddy, I forgot, um—I need to do something—at home”—

Larsen couldn’t look at Jack right now, and it was just as well. If he had he would have seen Jack looking so upset and confused it would have broken his heart.

“Oh…” said Jack, tears stinging his eyes. He had never come crashing down from such a marvellous high so shockingly before. “I… I’m sorry…”

No. No Jack Winters apologies, not this time.

Larsen grabbed Jack’s hand again, maybe too forcefully, but still didn't look at him. “No,” he said in a shaky voice. “No, this isn’t you.”

Jack couldn’t bring himself to be mad at Larsen for using the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ cliché given how he’d ended things with Edgar. He knew it was pointless to stay, but knew if he left it was unlikely he'd see Larsen again. They both stayed that way for a while, struggling to find the words.

“Okay,” said Jack in a defeated voice, sliding his hand out of Larsen’s. Maybe he had to leave, even if it meant being away from Larsen from now on. Maybe there was no fixing it this time. Larsen suddenly felt so lonely without Jack's hand in his. He didn’t say anything as Jack left.

Larsen waited until Jack had entered the house before climbing in the driver’s seat. He was walking so slowly, dragging his feet, lost in his thoughts of what could have happened, just as Larsen was. He couldn’t understand what he’d done wrong. Larsen had been the one to initiate it, why had he suddenly pulled away like that?

Larsen tried to swallow the lump in his throat as he drove home. He hated that he'd stood in his own way like that, but he couldn't complicate Jack's life. He didn't want to inflict that on him. He hated knowing that either way, Jack would get hurt. Maybe if circumstances had been different. Maybe.

*

Larsen did not want to go home, but he had to get it over with. His mother would fuss, his father would say something deeply inappropriate and his brother would get violent over it and Larsen would just sit there, secretly agonising over what had just happened with Jack. He couldn’t handle Jack thinking that he didn’t want to be with him, not again. He wanted to turn the car around, go to Jack and take it all back, but he knew that wasn't an option. He just couldn’t see it working out. He needed to step up and be as responsible as possible for Gabby's sake, far earlier than he should have had to. It wasn’t fair to drag Jack, who still had his whole life ahead of him, into that. But oh God, the memory of Jack looking so broken as Larsen watched him leave was downright haunting.

Larsen walked through the front door, preparing for the worst, just wanting the world to shut up. But when he got to the living room, his family wasn’t there. Someone else was; someone Larsen had needed in his life for what felt like an eternity. 

He froze, gobsmacked. Fareed was sitting on the couch.


	6. Familiar Faces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tracy's back, and so is Fareed! Huzzah! (I really like Tracy)

Fareed had gone over this moment so many times in his head. Larsen’s mother had done a double take when he’d shown up at the door, explained that Larsen wasn’t here right now and most of all, why. She had cried and cried as she explained everything that had happened, and Fareed had speechlessly listened. He could hardly believe any of it. It was all so much to absorb. He had returned to Beaumont thinking that his unexpected reappearance would shock everyone to their core, and he had mentally prepared for being in a spotlight he didn’t want because of that. But upon listening to Larsen’s mother’s extraordinary tale, he had almost felt reassured that he wouldn’t be the talk of the town.

He had originally planned to visit Gabrielle first, but his nerves got the better of him and he decided to come to Larsen instead. He had wanted to thank him for all he had done to uncover the truth about what his parents had done to him, but it turned out that he and Larsen had much more to discuss than that.

Larsen stood in stunned silence upon seeing him, and Fareed couldn’t stand it. He stood up, trying to think of something to say, but Larsen ran over and hugged him. He was holding him tight, both out of relief to see a familiar, understanding face and because he had just missed his friend so much. It had been a long time since Larsen had had a legitimate friend in his life; Gabby was his girlfriend for so long and they had rarely communicated outside of flirting and sex, Rachel had a thing for him and it had made things awkward and Jack… well, it had always been different with him. Fareed was his best and only friend, and Larsen needed him right now.

“I’m back,” said Fareed softly, as he and Larsen sat down. “For good this time.”

“Why?” Larsen said. Fareed looked taken aback.

“No, I didn’t mean like—you just seemed like… you never wanted to come back here,” said Larsen. “And I get it… those bastards really… it was horrible…”

Fareed gulped and blinked rapidly, facing away from Larsen. He had been hoping not to relive the past too much when he saw everyone again.

“I’m sorry,” said Larsen sheepishly.

“It’s okay, I expected it to be brought up sooner or later,” said Fareed. 

Larsen thought back to earlier in the day when he had laughed off his troubles with Gabby. Their situation had just seemed so… funny, in a way. It all seemed so avoidable; they were never crazy about each other yet they seemed to have the most relationship drama in all of Beaumont. None of it had to happen in the first place, and it was funny. Fareed’s situation was preventable in a much more tragic way; had he been born into a different situation, or if he simply had better parents, he would have been spared so much trauma along the way. Larsen couldn’t see him and Fareed laughing this off the way he had laughed off his predicament with Gabby.

“My parents have been put away for a really long time,” said Fareed after a while. “They can’t hurt me anymore. I know they can’t. I prefer my life here way more than I do in India. I don’t want them taking it away from me anymore, especially since they can’t get to me now.”

“You’re staying with family here then?” If that wasn’t the case, Larsen would have volunteered his home even though his family didn’t have the space for it. He didn’t care, he’d sleep in his Cadillac for the rest of his life if he could have Fareed around again.

Fareed shook his head. “There’s no one here anymore. I’m on my own, but I inherited a lot from my parents, including their house.”

“You’re there alone?”

Fareed let out an ironic laugh. “Christ no, I’m not there at all. I couldn’t live there anymore. I sold it. Bought myself my own place; it’s nothing special, just a one-bedroom. Guess I’m not the guy from the big fancy mansion now.”

Fareed didn’t seem upset about that, and Larsen could see why. The high life had never suited Fareed, but not because he wasn’t good enough for it. Fareed was an extraordinary person, but he wanted an ordinary life. The fact that he didn’t think himself special enough or important enough to be entitled to the grandeur of his parents’ lives was exactly what made him special and important, in Larsen’s eyes.

“It was cheap, and the rest of the money I made off of it should keep me going, at least for a while until I can find a job,” said Fareed. “I… I’m even thinking about coming back to Prospere Academy after Christmas.”

Larsen’s eyes lit up. “You sure you’re ready?”

Fareed shook his head. “I’m never going to be ready to face everyone again. That’s why I have to.” He looked down at his hands. “It’s all so complicated now, though. Your mom told me… about you and Gabby…”

To Fareed’s surprise, Larsen began nervously and loudly explaining himself. This was a far cry from what he had expected.

“I’m sorry, we did get back together, we weren’t happy though, Gabby just wanted to be with you and we both just missed you so much and”—

“Dude,” Fareed was frowning. “I’m not mad at you. Relax.”

“Really? You’re not mad?” Larsen continued to be amazed that Fareed never just punched him right in the jaw at random for his behaviour.

Fareed smiled and shook his head. “I get it. I’m glad you guys were there for each other. Everything that happened with me was so crazy, and I barely had any time to explain it to you both afterwards. I was worried you’d both be alone, but you weren’t. It’s… great.”

“We’re not together now,” Larsen insisted.

“You do have a baby together,” said Fareed. It sounded even more unbelievable when he said it out loud, but he had to accept that it was true.

“It’s Gabby’s baby, Fareed,” sighed Larsen, thinking back to how Gabby would move heaven and Earth for her small bump. “I told her I’d be there for her, and I will be, but… you haven’t seen how she is with it. It’s hers.”

Fareed looked doubtful, but he couldn’t help but feel relieved that Larsen and Gabby weren’t together anymore. Even then, traces of his strictly traditional upbringing remained, and he couldn’t stop feeling worrying about the fact that even with the support of Larsen, Lyle and Adalgisa, Gabby would still be raising a baby alone.

“I wanna see her, but I’m scared,” said Fareed. “I was scared before, just having been away for so long, but all this changes everything… I’m terrified. It's all so new and unexpected, I don't know how we're gonna get through this.”

Larsen thought of Jack and his jaw clenched. “I get that.”

But enough was enough, and he was tired of standing in the way of what Fareed really wanted.

“Go see her,” said Larsen. “Not even right now, but soon. She needs to see you.”

Fareed was stunned. This was not the Larsen he remembered. Larsen had done all he could to expose Fareed’s parents, and he was so grateful for that; but images of Larsen, drunk and enraged at the mere thought of Gabby and Fareed spending an evening together at a concert, had been difficult to shake off. And now Gabby was the mother of Larsen’s child, and here was Larsen, playing matchmaker for Gabby and Fareed.

“I really miss her,” Fareed didn’t realise he’d been holding back tears until they started pouring down his cheeks. Gabby had been all that had kept him going for months and months, and now she was so close and yet, emotionally, worlds away.

Larsen put an arm around Fareed and let him cry it out for as long as he needed. In a world where he couldn’t allow himself to be with Jack even though they both wanted that, and he was about to be the father of someone else’s child, he was so relieved to have at least one piece of his life return to normal. In that moment, it really seemed like everything would be alright.

*

“Rachel, I think the flowers will be fine,” Tracy whined, exhausted as Rachel dragged her around hunting for the perfect chocolate box to take to Gabrielle.

“Well I don’t,” said Rachel, barely acknowledging Tracy as she thumbed through all the boxes on display, trying to find a selection within her budget that would also express how deeply sorry she was for everything.

“Look, it’s not a big deal,” said Tracy. “With everything that’s happened, she probably doesn’t even remember it.”

“But I do, Tracy,” sighed Rachel, finally looking at her friend. “That’s the thing, I am always gonna remember it until I make it right. I need to do something about it and I don’t care if that’s selfish of me.”

Tracy couldn’t understand how Rachel could see herself forking out so much cash for chocolates and flowers as a selfish act.

Rachel finally settled on a box of fancy Christmas truffles; the box was a warm shade of red and decorated with an extravagant golden glittery bow.

“They look great!” said Tracy gleefully. “You sure you don’t wanna save them for a movie night?”

Rachel grimaced. “Nope, these are just for Gabby.”

Tracy gazed at the contents of the shelves they hadn't examined from afar as they headed towards the queue. “Ooh, Damien from drama club got me a box of chocolates like that once!” she said, gesturing towards a heart shaped blue box full of caramels. “Our first date—well, our only date. It was amazing though, oh he was”—

“Okay, Tracy, public place,” said Rachel, determined to cut her off there. This chocolate shop was full of elderly ladies and Rachel was determined for them to like her and not be put off by her kind-hearted but very explicit friend. She had always been weirdly desperate for the approval of pensioners. 

“Where is Damien now anyway?” Tracy pouted.

Rachel’s eyebrows furrowed. “You know, I don’t know? I heard something about him running off to Detroit with Simone?”

“Oh! Yeah, they were always cute together!” Tracy sounded genuinely happy for them. “And at least now I know where Damien got the caramels! I never knew before and I’ve been having cravings!”

Rachel chuckled. “Must be nice getting chocolates without having to pay for them.”

Tracy looked towards Rachel, her eyes wide with surprise and sadness. Rachel may as well have announced a tragedy. “A boy has never given you chocolates? Not even a middle school valentine?”

Rachel didn't understand why Tracy was making such a big deal out of this. “I mean… no. I never thought about it, it was always one of those things that happened to other people…”

Tracy had heard enough. She marched over to the rack of blue heart shaped boxes of caramels, grabbed one and re-joined Rachel in the queue. She held them up to Rachel’s nose and intensely stared at her. “These are for you.”

Rachel’s heart was glowing at this act of kindness, but she coolly laughed it off. “Tracy, you don’t have to”—

“Early Valentine! Merry Christmas!”

Rachel stared at the ground and giggled, her cheeks turning slightly pink. With all the craziness that was going on, and everyone and everything changing all around her, it was nice to have someone like Tracy in her life, who would never change in the best possible way.


	7. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really proud of this one. It's probably really inconsequential to everyone else, but I was so excited to write this chapter. It's the first one I finished. I hope you like it as much as I liked writing it!

Rachel arrived outside Gabby’s room, having finally been brave enough to follow through on her plan, her heart pounding faster and harder than ever. Her head was spinning as she stood, trembling, at the other side of the hospital room door. She hadn’t interacted with Gabby since running to her aid during the play, and since then she had regained the respect of her peers that she had lost after the incident at Tracy’s party. But no matter how hard Rachel tried to convince herself there was nothing to worry about, thoughts of attacking Gabby at a shoe store and forcing herself onto her boyfriend flooded her mind.

This was an awful idea. Rachel was probably the last person Gabby wanted to see. But she owed Gabby an apology, nonetheless. She wanted to give it, whether Gabby wanted it or not.

Rachel clutched the bouquet of lilies and the box of chocolates she had bought for Gabby tightly (the flowers had wilted slightly waiting for Rachel to pluck up the courage) and opened the door.

Gabby was awake, and she was reading. She was whispering the words so lovingly, traces of a smile on her face as she went, and all the while she was protectively stroking her belly. Although the scene before Rachel was downright precious, she did have to wonder why Gabby thought A Streetcar Named Desire was suitable reading material for a foetus. 

Gabby slammed the book shut and looked sharp before she even realised who had entered, but her hand never left her stomach. “Oh… Rachel…” She seemed neither disappointed nor pleased.

Rachel had rehearsed this moment over and over in her head, and each time it had begun with her begging for forgiveness and expressing a desire to support Gabby no matter what. However, now that she actually found herself in front of Gabby, she blurted out, “I think the baby might have preferred Goodnight Moon.” God damn it, why did she have to choose now to be a smartass?

To Rachel’s relief, Gabby let out a short laugh. “Yeah, Jack brought along some of the homework I’d missed and… I don’t know, I didn’t want her to feel left out… I hope I didn’t upset her, this stuff is kinda intense…”

“Her?” Rachel felt a fond smile spread across her face, one that she could see mirrored on Gabrielle’s.

“I hope so. But I’ll love it no matter what.”

Rachel loosened her grip on the gifts she had brought for Gabby and took a step closer.

“Gabrielle, I… I’m so sorry.”

Gabby frowned before she remembered; oh yeah, they had had a catfight over Larsen. It seemed so long ago, it was downright hilarious. Had Larsen been here, she probably would have descended into a fit of giggles again.

“It’s okay,” Gabby said, staring at the ground and trying to fight a grin at the memory of Larsen’s visit. Oh my God she still couldn’t believe she’d dated Larsen. She looked up at Rachel again. “I know you tried to help me anyway, so I guess we’re even. Sorry I said all that stuff about you.”

Rachel shrugged and shook her head. That all meant nothing to her now. Gabby gestured for Rachel to sit down, and she did. 

“They’re letting me go home tomorrow, so I can spend Christmas with my family,” said Gabby, and with a chuckle she added, “I keep forgetting it’s Christmas. That is gonna take some getting used to.”

Rachel forced a smile that Gabby could tell was fake.

“So Jack brought you school work?” Rachel said after a silence; not a long one by normal standards, but long enough for Rachel to want to break it before it got too awkward. 

“Yeah,” Gabby sighed, setting A Streetcar Named Desire aside. “I can’t concentrate on it for obvious reasons, though.”

Gabby and Rachel both stared at the unborn child in Gabby’s belly.

“I just want to keep her safe,” Gabby said, so softly and with so much vulnerability that Rachel could barely believe it was really Gabby. “I nearly took her down with me, but no one is taking her from me now. Especially not me. Plus now I have my parents to help me and... Larsen, I guess. She won't be a lonely baby in any case.”

“You have me too,” Rachel said firmly. 

Gabby looked Rachel in the eye, confused. “What?”

“I…” Rachel was beginning to choke, but there was no turning back now. “I… I wanna be here for you.”

Gabby was speechless.

“I’m so sorry, Gabby,” Rachel’s voice was beginning to wobble, but she managed to hold back tears. Gabby was being so strong, Rachel couldn't cry in front of her now. “I’m sorry about everything. I wanna take it back and I can’t, but I can support you. If anyone tries to say anything at school, or you ever need help after… after the pregnancy, I’m here for you. You’re not going to be alone.”

Gabby couldn’t hold back a smile. Before all this, Rachel had disgusted her more than anything or anyone else. She had just been so full of herself in Gabby’s eyes, and she couldn’t stand that. Rachel was no better than her. But now… well, there were worse people than Rachel Miller out there. There were much worse people than Rachel Miller out there, in fact. Rachel could even be considered one of the good ones.

“I wouldn’t care even if I was alone,” Gabby said, looking down at her belly again. “I have my baby, and she has me. Whether I have a million people around or no one, she’ll always have me.”

Gabby nodded towards the gifts in Rachel’s hand. “So you wanna share those chocolates with me and have a chat?”

“Chat?”

“Yeah. I wanna know my potential future babysitter. Tell me about Rachel Miller.”

Rachel grinned; she had never known any other side of Gabby apart from her fiery abrasiveness. She never thought there was anything more to her. She regretted that now. In fact, she wanted to make it right.

“I want to know about you too!”

Gabby took the chocolate box from Rachel’s hands and pried it open. “Okay, first let’s tell each other a secret; something we haven’t told anyone. It’ll be like the world’s weirdest sleepover. I wanna know I can trust you if you're looking after my kid, Miller.”

Rachel giggled. “Okay…” This was so surreal and she loved it.

"I'll go first." Gabby took a small round chocolate and thought for a moment. “Okay… when I was fourteen, I had a huge crush on this boy. One day, he sat next to me at lunch, and I had tuna sandwiches. He caught me off guard, and I was like ‘oh God, what do I do?’, so to break the ice I said, ‘sorry about the smell of fish’.”

Gabby suddenly closed her eyes, hung her head forward and started laughing. Rachel raised her eyebrows. “Then what happened?”

“Well, before he could say anything else, I immediately blurted out, ‘OH MY GOD IT’S THE SANDWICHES NOT MY VAGINA’.”

Rachel’s howls of laughter could have rivalled Larsen’s. Almost.

“Yeah, he got up and left right after that,” Gabby chuckled. 

Once Rachel had recovered, she asked, “Did you ever try and talk to him again?”

“Nope, Fareed never let me live that down,” Gabby laughed, and then her face fell. She hadn’t spoken about Fareed to anyone but Larsen in a long time. Gabby could sense that Rachel was about to ask her about him and decided to take immediate action to stop this. They were friends now, she supposed, but not nearly good enough friends for that conversation.

“Your turn, Miller.”

Rachel grinned widely at her secret. “Okay, so… a little while ago, Brandon O’Reilly brought a Christmas tree round to the house, you know, he works at a tree place for the holidays, and… we got to talking and… I don’t know… I think I might… I think maybe he likes me?”

The seemingly permanent smile Gabby had been wearing slowly faded. “Jesus Christ…”

Rachel felt a surge of panic. She didn’t want to be in conflict with Gabby over a guy again.

“Gabby, I’m sorry, if you and Brandon are a thing, I promise I’ll never”—

“Of course we’re not a thing, Rachel!” Gabby said, disgust and offence evident in her voice. “Rachel, Jesus, BRANDON?! Really?!”

Rachel went tomato red and stared at the floor, feeling defensive. This hardly felt fair. She had listened to Gabby’s big secret without judgement, why was she being like this? Having Gabby snap at her like this was far more painful than Gabby making fun of her would ever be.

“I’m sorry, I should go,” said Rachel hurriedly, scrambling around as she rushed to get off Gabby's bed.

“Rachel, for God’s sake, don’t go”—

“No, this was a mistake. Good luck with the homework, and… everything.” Rachel scurried for the door and turned the knob, but before she could flee Gabby asked a question that made her freeze in her tracks.

“Why do you want a boyfriend so much?”

Rachel was speechless for a moment and turned back to face Gabby, leaving the door open. “I… what makes you think I want a boyfriend?”

Gabby rolled her eyes. “Jack, Larsen and now Brandon fucking O’Reilly, of all people, and not a very short amount of time between them all… Rachel, you have GOT to know that Brandon isn’t good enough for you, he’s not good enough for anyone, so why have you decided that he’s the new love of your life?”

“I never said THAT…”

“You want that though, Rachel, you want to be in love with him, but you’re not. Why are you so desperate for a boyfriend that you’ll settle for the bottom of the damn barrel?”

Rachel concentrated hard on the floor to distract herself from these words like daggers, tears of embarrassment stinging her eyes.

Gabby sighed. “Look, sit down.”

Rachel sniffed and obeyed. She really didn't want to cry in front of Gabby, but she couldn’t help it; so many people had insulted Rachel and teased her over the years, but somehow this was worse. She could handle rumours being spread about her having STDs and everyone thinking she was a total selfish bitch, because deep down she knew it wasn’t true. Everything Gabby was saying felt like she was reaching inside her and hitting every possible sore spot, dragging harsh truths into the light against Rachel’s will. She just wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

When Rachel looked up at Gabby, however, her face was soft and kind. You could even say it was motherly.

“Rachel, you wanna know why I dated Larsen for so long?”

Rachel frowned in confusion. “You guys seemed happy together…”

Gabby grimaced. “I’ve been in love with Fareed all my life, Rachel. But I couldn’t have him then, and I can’t have him now. So I settled for Larsen. I settled for so long I was miserable. I clung to a relationship with him because I was so desperate to want it, but I didn’t. I wanted something else. And guess what, Rachel? I couldn’t force myself to be in love with him. I just want Fareed back.”

Gabby’s voice wobbled at every mention of Fareed. Oh God, what was she going to tell him? If she even got to talk to him again. She suddenly remembered the last time she held him and her heart thrashed around inside her chest in response.

Rachel stared at the ground, affronted that she and Gabby had fought for so long over a boy that neither of them had really wanted in the first place.

Gabby collected herself and leaned closer to Rachel. “So, what do you want? You, Rachel Miller, what do you want more than anything?”

Rachel’s heart stopped for a moment. She had never really thought about it. She had always wanted to do well in school and drama club and she wanted to be a good friend to Jack and make Elena proud, but… she did all of those things for other people. She had no idea what she wanted for herself. She had spent so long chasing after others and longing for their love and affection that she hardly knew herself.

“I don’t know…” Rachel slowly stood up. “I don’t know…”

“Maybe you should find out, Rachel. You can’t keep looking for it in boys, whatever it is.”

Oh God she was right. Gabby was so right.

“I… think I want to talk to someone.”

Rachel stood up, ready to bolt before she remembered herself.

“Gabby… thank you. Thank you for forgiving me and, for… thank you.”

“Rachel, look, don’t freak out”—

“I’m not freaking out!” Rachel turned to Gabby, looking somewhere between ecstatic and shell-shocked. “I just… I need to go figure something out!”

Rachel had suddenly become aware of a huge hole in her insides, that she seemed to have been trying to fill with other people’s approval, be it through the love of a boy or the praise piled upon her by her teachers, family and peers for her excellent grades. And she wanted to tell someone all about it.

Gabby smiled, trying not to look sad. She couldn’t help but feel jealous; Rachel had her whole life ahead. And so did Gabby; her future was just much more uncertain. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Rachel.”

Rachel nodded, smiling at Gabby in acknowledgement of what the other girl had done for her, and ran through the door, heading straight for her car. She needed to talk to the one person she could rely on to help her make sense of all this. She needed to talk to Tracy.


	8. Being Honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter has the long awaited reunion of Fareed and Gabby (and no I could not be bothered making it angsty, Gabby has suffered enough honestly) and a nice wee scene between Rachel and Tracy I really wanted to do! I've always had a sense about Rachel's character that she'd be a lot happier if she got to know herself, so I'm exploring that a little in this fic! I hope you all enjoy!

Gabrielle, fully clothed and finally ready to go home, stood and observed the hospital room she had called home for the majority of December. It had served as a safe haven for her and her baby for what felt like years, and now she was almost scared to leave and face the world after everything that had happened. Almost. She was Gabrielle Cherrier; she could do anything and so could her baby. Whatever nervousness she was feeling now, it had nothing on this unstoppable duo.

“It’s time to go, sweetie,” whispered Gabrielle, looking down at her stomach. “I don’t think I’ve ever dreaded Christmas so much. But next Christmas we’ll be together properly. You’re gonna love it.”

Gabby’s parents would be here in twenty minutes to pick her up. Per her request, they had been bringing her some children’s books whenever they came to visit for Gabby to read to her bump, or, as Gabby had been calling it recently, Chloe. Since childhood, Gabby’s first choice when it came to baby names had been Chloe. She and her mother had such an elegant and beautiful names, but Gabrielle secretly liked short, simple names that rolled off the tongue. Chloe had always sounded so lovely to her.

She thought back on the memories she had of this room, more specifically the memories shared with other people. Gabby had expected no visitors at all while she was in the hospital, yet she had received so many well wishes and promises of support over the last few weeks. Part of her wondered where all these people had been when she needed them the most, but even then, it was nice to finally feel like someone had her back. Rachel’s visit had surprised her the most; she had never thought that proud, snooty girl to be capable of a sincere apology, let alone able to understand Gabby’s choice to prioritise her baby over everything else including her education. But she had. Maybe Gabby couldn’t see herself becoming best friends forever with Rachel, but she could certainly imagine them not hating each other anymore. That had to count for something, right?

Gabby picked up an illustrated copy of Rapunzel to read to Chloe and sat perched on the end of her bed, waiting for her parents to come and pick her up. She was so lost in relaying the story of the young and beautiful girl with hair long enough to climb, who had no parents because of some pesky misplaced lettuces, that Gabrielle didn’t notice the hurried, whispered conversation happening outside her closed door.

Fareed had been standing outside for quite a few minutes, his palms sweating and his legs shaking so much he was amazed they hadn’t given out yet.

“I can’t do this,” he said as he caught a glimpse of Gabby lovingly reading fairy tales to her unborn child.

Larsen sighed and grabbed Fareed’s arm, stopping him from leaving. “I don’t care, you’re doing it.”

“I’m just gonna mess everything up,” said Fareed hopelessly. “She tried to kill herself, Larsen, me showing up like this will only mess with her head.”

“Okay, first off,” Larsen pointed at himself. “I’m the only one that messes everything up around here. And you really think you’re gonna make her feel worse? Really? Why would you think that?”

Fareed froze. “I’m nothing special, not like her…”

Larsen sighed, shaking his head. That was it.

“Gabrielle could have had anyone she wanted while you were gone, and she settled for me,” said Larsen, staring intensely at Fareed although he wasn’t looking back. “I barely gave her a second thought the whole time we were together, but she stayed with me. She didn’t like being with me, Fareed. We weren’t good together. But she stayed with me because I was the closest thing to having you back in her life.”

Fareed loosened up slightly.

“When you were going through this, all you wanted was to see her again,” Larsen continued. “I guarantee she wants that right now too.”

Fareed finally looked at him. “Come in with me?”

“Nope.”

Fareed smiled a little. “Figures.”

Deep breaths, Fareed kept thinking to himself. Take deep breaths, and… rip the band aid off.

He had been so focussed on making it quick and painless that he clumsily stumbled through the door, abruptly cutting Gabby off just as she was getting to the happy ending with the blinded prince finding Rapunzel again.

The book fell from Gabby’s hands and her breath caught in her throat. She had to be dreaming. She had to be.

“Gabby…” Fareed whispered. All that mental preparation had been useless. Being physically with her and explaining everything was a lot different from rehearsing what he was going to say to her in the bathroom of his one bedroom apartment. 

She hadn’t heard his voice in so long. Tears sprang to Gabrielle’s eyes, and then everything was a blur. She got up and bolted into Fareed’s arms, clinging tightly to him, burying her face in his chest and letting the tears flow. He was finally back, and he was free from his awful parents. His life was his again, and she could be a part of it.

Fareed’s jelly legs finally gave way and he and Gabby sank to the floor, holding each other tightly and crying. He stroked her hair and rested his head on her shoulder, in disbelief that they were finally together again.

Fareed’s hand eventually moved to Gabby’s stomach. “Chloe?”

Gabby laughed a little through her tears and pulled back to face him, her arms around his neck. “You remember?”

“I remember everything,” said Fareed softly, wiping a tear from Gabby’s cheek. 

Gabby continued to smile. “I’m keeping her. I know… I know that’s not what you want”—

Fareed averted her gaze for a moment. “I want you, Gabrielle, and everything that comes with you. Chloe is no exception.”

Gabby paused, sighed with relief and kissed him. She’d been kissed plenty in Fareed’s absence, but none of those kisses had come close to how amazing his lips felt on hers. They had always been two perfect puzzle pieces, and she regretted ignoring that for so long. But she’d make up for it now.

“What about you?” said Gabby, her voice full of concern. “Where are you staying now? What’s going to happen?”

Her voice was showing signs of increasing distress so Fareed was quick to cut her off. “It’s all okay. I’m on my own now, I sold my parents’ house for quite a lot of money; enough to keep me going for a while. I might even go back to school after Christmas.”

Gabby’s wondrous high threatened to come crashing down at the reminder that Prospere Academy and all its prying, judgemental students would be waiting for her in just a few weeks. “Oh God, school…”

Fareed’s face saddened for a moment. “It’s okay. We’ll go back together.”

Gabby smiled at the thought of it. “Yeah. I’d like that.”

“The suicidal guy and the pregnant girl; we’ll look out for each other,” said Fareed, laughing a little but he really did mean it.

And then Gabrielle was lost in his embrace again, resting her head on Fareed’s chest, listening to his racing heartbeat while he held her tenderly, both scared but both holding each other protectively. They were together again, and they would have each other’s backs.

Larsen watched from the doorway, smiling. He didn’t dare announce his presence; he felt bad watching for this long. He’d tried so hard to make Fareed and Gabrielle happy after everything that happened with the Salmans, running around trying to solve the mystery of Fareed’s suspicious fall and being Gabby’s boyfriend for all those months, but he’d always felt like he failed. Now finally they were happy, and he didn’t want to get in the way of that. Even then, his heart was so full knowing that he had contributed to the joyful scene before him, at least a little bit.

Larsen quietly walked away from them both; he was sure that Lyle and Adalgisa would be overjoyed to see Fareed again and would give him a ride home so Larsen could drive away now without guilt. As he walked, he thought of Fareed and Gabrielle’s loving, unapologetic embrace, and he couldn’t avoid the dull pain thudding in his heart a little. He wanted to hold Jack like that. He wished he hadn’t interrupted their moment in the car, but he knew he couldn’t drag Jack into this situation. Fareed and Gabrielle were both happy, and that’s what Larsen had wanted; but still, he wanted Jack to be happy most of all, and he couldn’t make that happen.

Suppose you can’t have everything, Larsen forlornly thought to himself as he got in his car and drove home.

*

“Woah! Woah! Rachel, slow down! What’s this about Gabrielle telling her crush she has a fishy vagina?”

“Tracy, focus please!”

Rachel had dragged Tracy to a cute tearoom by the Beaumont library at the earliest opportunity and ordered them a latte each. She was telling the tale of her visit to Gabrielle far more quickly than she had intended to. She was just so excited to tell Tracy about it. It had gone well, and not only that, Rachel had come to a realisation about herself. Gabrielle Cherrier, of all people, had taught her a valuable life lesson and opened Rachel’s eyes to who she was. And she had no idea what to do with it. She needed Tracy’s opinion; she made everything seem so easy.

When she was done, Tracy blinked at Rachel and was silent. Rachel was so not used to Tracy being this quiet. It was freaking her out.

“Well… what do you think?” said Rachel. She was worried now; should she have told Tracy all this?

“I… thought you already knew that,” said Tracy, dumbfounded.

“What?”

“Rachel, the way you chase after all these boys that so aren’t right for you… I figured you knew you were filling a void, it’s like you were trying to define yourself by who you were friends with or how well you did in school,” said Tracy matter-of-factly. “If I’d known you didn’t know I would have just told you myself…”

“What—how—does everyone know this about me? Why didn’t anyone TELL ME?”

Tracy raised an eyebrow. “For the same reason no one tells me to my face that they think I’m easy? It’s classier to only say things like that behind someone’s back. But it was so obvious, Rachel.”

Rachel continued to stutter before giving up, sighing and taking a large swig of her latte. It was lukewarm from waiting for her to finish telling Tracy everything. 

Tracy looked at Rachel, studying her. She was staring into her latte, and Tracy could practically see the cogs turning in her mind as she tried to process everything. Tracy was excited for Rachel to start discovering who she was outside of her studies and her friends and possible boyfriends, but it made her sad to see Rachel agonising over the revelation that she didn’t know who she was outside of doing things for other people, and she never had.

“I really like you, Rachel,” said Tracy, softly. She sounded so kind. Tracy always sounded kind, but now there was no layer of goofiness or bravado. She was demonstrating unusual tact, because she knew her friend needed it. “I really do. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You’re the only one that ever… really wanted to be my friend.”

Rachel looked at Tracy, frowning in confusion.

“Tracy, that can’t be true…”

Tracy smiled sadly and sighed. “People only know me as the girl who hooks up with everyone. You’re the only one who wanted to hang out with me properly.”

Rachel grimaced in memory of the time Tracy had attempted to change that. “Sorry I ruined your party.”

Tracy sighed and shrugged. “Something would have happened anyway, it’s alright. Everyone was so mad at each other… I don’t understand why people can’t just get along, Rachel.”

“We get along pretty well.” Rachel smiled and reached over the table, clasping her hand over Tracy’s. Tracy smiled and squeezed Rachel’s hand. 

“What I’m trying to say here,” said Tracy, more cheerily than before in light of Rachel’s kind words, “is I really like you. I like you even though you might not know who you are. And that’s gotta mean that whoever you are, you’re a good person!”

Rachel sighed, but she was smiling. She believed what Tracy was saying. She wished she could have Tracy’s optimism and willingness to trust and love everyone she met until given a reason not to. Maybe she could; she seemed to be on the verge or rebuilding her whole personality from scratch anyway.

“Thanks for being my friend, Tracy,” said Rachel, and it was probably the most genuine thing she’d ever said.

“Likewise!” said Tracy, beaming. “Even if you talk too much. My latte is stone cold.”

Rachel mock slapped her on the arm and the two girls laughed. They ordered a hot chocolate each and sipped together, talking and giggling about everything and nothing. Tracy may not have had all the friends in the world, and Rachel was worried and confused about who she was, but they had each other, and the two unlikely companions were grateful for that.


	9. One More Sleep 'Til Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is kinda weird; I like fluffy content, you see, even if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. I'm not nearly as good at angst drama as Chris Conner, see, I stick to what I know! Also, Gabby content just for Isa. We love you, Isa!  
> (Yeah, I definitely incorporated some of the Fanon mother-son stuff for Gabby and Larsen in this chapter!)

Larsen and Gabby had been spending a lot of time at Fareed’s new apartment, first separately but soon enough their visits began to overlap. Fareed had made quite a cosy home for himself. It was a far cry from the extravagance of the home he’d shared with Selina and Rashid Salman, yet it was so much better suited for Fareed. The décor was simple and practical, and the walls decorated with artworks and poems near and dear to his heart. It wasn’t much, but it was everything Fareed had dreamed of. This modest home represented his freedom, and Gabrielle in particular loved what he’d done with the place.

Fareed’s new home also hosted quite a few of Gabrielle’s belongings, who had been spending a lot of time there. She stayed the night there on occasion, but her parents never minded. Had it been anyone other than Fareed, they probably would have. Whenever she left and came back, Gabby brought many of the Christmas decorations from her parents’ home to make Fareed’s apartment as festive as possible; she insisted on helping him put them up. Any excuse to spend more time with him. She could still hardly believe he was back in her life, and still in love with her. When she was laughing with Fareed and putting up tinsel, occasionally getting tangled up in it with him, she could forget all her troubles.

Larsen visited a lot too, at Fareed’s request. It had been awkward at first for Gabrielle, but upon finding out that Larsen had been the one to push Fareed to re-enter her life, she was more open to having him around. She could tell that he really did want her and Fareed to be happy together, and he was always so remorseful; never in an over-the-top way, which Gabby would have hated, but in a quiet, humble way. She appreciated that. While she was wary, Gabby did tolerate having Larsen over, and eventually she even enjoyed it. It made Fareed so happy to see them getting along, and it brought a smile to Gabby’s face knowing that Fareed and Larsen both supported her so much, and that for once, all three of them wanted the same things for each other. Larsen had grown a lot. She wished it hadn’t taken an unexpected pregnancy and a car accident, but he had. She liked Larsen minus the douchebaggery, she had to admit, and despite the absurdity of the situation she was ready to try and make it work.

Larsen was thrilled to be out of his house so much; his family had been eager to spend time with him since the accident and it was nothing short of excruciating. He would much rather be with Fareed and Gabby, who were much more pleasant company that didn’t pick fights that he would constantly have to be in the middle of. However, reading children’s books to Chloe and decorating Fareed’s apartment failed to steer Larsen’s thoughts away from Jack. He spent an agonising amount of time staring at Jack’s name on his phone’s contact list, desperate to call him, but never did. It was just too painful.

When Christmas Eve arrived, Larsen was sat on the couch staring at his phone screen again. The picture he had for Jack’s contact was a selfie he’d taken on Larsen’s phone during their night at the bowling alley. He looked so happy that Larsen smiled just looking at it.. 

He, Fareed and Gabby had been watching The Muppets Christmas Carol, and Gabby had left the room to replenish the snack supply. Fareed and Larsen had both wanted Die Hard, but Gabby insisted it would be far too violent for Chloe. Despite the boys’ protests, they seemed to be enjoying it. Fareed hummed along to quite a few of the songs, signalling to Larsen and Gabby that he was in fact rather familiar with the movie.

“Dude, are you okay?” said Fareed, who had noticed how out of it Larsen was whenever he was lost in thought, or on his phone. Larsen shrugged. He wasn’t entirely here right now.

“Damn, Larsen, you’d never guess it was Christmas Eve looking at you,” said Gabby, exiting the kitchen and sitting a bowl of mince pies on the coffee table. She collapsed onto the couch and immediately nuzzled against Fareed.

Larsen didn’t look away from his phone. “Just thinking.”

“Are you sure you’re okay, Larsen?” said Fareed, absentmindedly rubbing Gabby’s shoulder. 

No he was not, but he wasn’t about to tell Fareed and Gabby about it. 

Gabby sighed and grabbed Larsen’s phone out of his hand.

“Gabby, come on!” said Larsen, leaning towards her but giving up before grabbing for his phone. She’d seen the screen by now, there wasn’t much point.

“Jack?” said Gabby. This hadn’t been what she expected. “Oh yeah, I remember him. Last time I saw him was when he brought me the homework for Christmas break, right?”

Larsen nodded, looking away. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s Jack.” His heart was in his throat.

“I never got to thank him,” said Fareed, more to himself than anyone else, remembering the drama from last year. “When are you seeing him again?”

Larsen’s exhaled sharply and stared at the floor.

“Oh God, tell me you guys aren’t fighting again,” whined Gabrielle. “I have an actual kid to worry about, I can’t be keeping up with your drama too.”

Larsen shook his head. Usually he would have returned Gabby’s banter, but bringing the Jack situation to the surface so suddenly hadn’t put him in the mood for that.

“Jack came to visit Larsen every day, you know,” Gabby told Fareed. “Never left him. Nikki said she saw them holding hands a bunch of times.”

“Nikki can fuck off,” Larsen said, but there was no venom in his voice. He just sounded broken.

Gabby laughed. “She did after a while. No more drama for her to feed on, I guess.”

There was a deafening silence before Gabby spoke.

“She, um… also said she heard you talking in your sleep, and that you said Jack’s name a few times…”

Larsen’s cheeks turned red. “The fuck was she watching me sleep for?!”

Gabby’s eyes widened and she raised her hands, whispering, “I don’t know.”

Fareed couldn’t contain his smile. “Heeeey, I didn’t know THAT was happening!”

Gabby grinned. “Yeah, Larsen and Jack are super tight!”

“Not anymore we’re not, and I don’t wanna talk about it,” said Larsen, turning back towards the TV screen and doing his best to ignore the shipping team directly to his right. 

Gabby was sensing the return of the old Larsen and she didn’t like it one bit. She sighed and pressed the mute button on the remote control. “Look, Larsen, you’re the father of my child and I’m dating your best friend Fareed, and we’re all hanging out like this is normal. Whatever happened between you and Jack, you can fix it. I can assure you.”

Larsen said nothing. He was blinking a lot, as if trying not to cry.

“Buddy,” said Fareed, all amusement gone from his voice as he and Gabby sat up and faced their friend. “What happened?”

Larsen wanted to leave, but at the same time, he was so tired of carrying all this around like a giant weight on his chest. It couldn’t be so bad if Fareed and Gabby knew, could it?

“We were driving home,” said Larsen, his voice cracking. “And we were gonna go in and see his grandma, and then… we kinda had a moment—okay I nearly kissed him.”

Larsen had half-expected Fareed and Gabrielle to do something annoying like squee, but they remained silent. They didn’t seem terribly surprised.

“It was perfect, and he was perfect, and that’s when it hit me… I couldn’t bring him into all this. Even if he wanted to give it a try, I… it’s too much for him. He didn’t sign up for this.”

“Sign up for what?” said Gabby. She knew perfectly well what Larsen was getting at, but she wanted to hear him say it.

Larsen stared at the floor, his hands clasped. “The baby, and… everything, I—I don’t know, he doesn’t know what he’ll be getting into if—yeah…”

Gabby exhaled through her nose, very slowly. “Fareed, hit Larsen for me. He’s too far away for me to reach.”

Fareed didn’t particularly want to hit Larsen, he looked too sad, but Gabby had already launched into an impassioned speech right before Larsen’s shocked eyes before Fareed could voice his objections.

“NONE OF US signed up for this!” Gabby yelled, standing up and pointing a finger at Larsen. “You didn’t, I didn’t, Fareed certainly didn’t, but we’re all still here supporting each other! And we all gave each other the CHOICE to! I never hid from Fareed because I was scared he wouldn’t get it! I COMMUNICATED like a BIG GIRL!”

Fareed and Larsen watched her rant in stunned silence. They’d seen Gabby angry, but this was a full on mommy lecture. Motherhood looked exquisite on her and she hadn’t even had the baby yet.

“You’re not even going to ask him?! You’re just making the choice for him?!” Gabby continued. “That boy would do anything for you, Larsen! I don’t even need to talk to him about this and I know that!”

Larsen sighed. “Yeah, but… that’s the thing. He’d do anything for me, and I’d do anything for him and… I don’t want him throwing away his life for this.”

Gabby’s eyes widened and Larsen could have sworn she was baring her teeth.

“None of us are throwing our lives away for this! We’re adapting our lives! We’re making it work! Give Jack the chance to do the same for you!”

Larsen stuttered for a while, trying to find the words to counter Gabby’s, but when it failed he ended up sheepishly asking Fareed to say something.

Fareed sighed and looked Larsen right in the eyes. “If you’re able to be with the person you love, Larsen, you need to go for it. Because it really sucks knowing that a whole bunch of time you could have had together was wasted. You need to make up for it while you still can.”

Both Larsen and Gabby gazed at Fareed, Gabby especially moved by his words. She’d never heard him put their time apart that way before.

Larsen slowly reached for his phone. “Okay, okay, I’ll call him”—

“NOT. GOOD. ENOUGH.”

Gabby marched to the coat rack next to the entrance, grabbed Larsen’s leather jacket off the hook and threw it at him. “Go get that boy! Right now! Right the fuck now, Larsen! He is so in love with you and if you don’t do something about it, someone else will!”

Larsen had never heard anyone say it out loud before. He’d always known, but hearing Gabby say it so matter-of-factly was when it really hit him. Jack was in love with him, and Larsen felt the same way. He’d known from the beginning, but now it was like he was realising it for the first time. 

Suddenly, a wave of memories came rushing back. Listening to the trains with Jack, sleeping under the stars, drunk in the bowling alley, staying late after school, breaking into the freaking zoo like a pair of idiots to skip class… and all the while, feeling more content, and more like himself, than with anyone else he’d ever met. The time had come to stop fighting that.

Gabby saw a smile grow on Larsen’s face and began grinning. “That’s right you beautiful bastard, bask in the glory of love! Now go get that boy!”

Larsen had barely heard her. He was so lost in his thoughts. He loved Jack. Of course he did. And he couldn’t waste any more time trying to pretend otherwise because he thought that was what was best for Jack. If Jack didn’t want to be in his life right now, fine. But he had to know.

Larsen came back to reality briefly enough to say, “I’ll be back later,” in a dazed voice and run out of the apartment while fighting to put his jacket on.

“Hopefully not, if it all goes well,” said Gabrielle with a triumphant smile, sitting next to Fareed again and unmuting the TV.

Gabby went to cuddle with Fareed again, before noticing something seemed off with him. “You okay?”

Fareed turned to look at her, dumbstruck. “I’m… I’m not gonna lie to you, I’m a little turned on right now.”

Gabby took a huge bite out of a mince pie. “Damn right you are.”


	10. At Long Last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I DIDN'T PROOFREAD THIS I'M SCARED
> 
> CHRIS CONNER AND SARA SMALTZ READ MY FANFICS NOW HI HI ANYWAY HERE'S A THING I HAVE FEAR

“Jack Winters, I’ve got a bone to pick with you!” Tracy said suddenly, disrupting the peaceful dinner she had been enjoying with Rachel, Jack and Elena.

Jack frowned in confusion and looked up from his plate. “What?”

Tracy put her hands on her hips. “Rachel tells me that she’s never received chocolates from a boy! EVER! Not even from YOU!”

The colour drained from Jack’s face. Oh God, anything but Rachel having a crush on him again.

Luckily, Rachel was quick to dispel those fears. “I didn’t say that, Tracy just found out that a boy never gave me chocolates and is kinda annoyed about it”—

“I’m SHOCKED AND APPALLED is what I am!” said Tracy. There was not a hint of irony in her voice.

Elena grinned as she rose to collect everybody’s dishes. “Rachel knows we love her in any case.”

Rachel didn’t return the smile. She wasn’t so sure Elena and Jack loved her. Not the real her, anyway. Elena looked puzzled at Rachel’s silence.

Tracy squeezed Rachel’s hand under the table, reading her expression. “Thank you for dinner, Mrs Winters.”

Elena flashed a quick smile at Tracy. She seemed like a nice enough girl, but her tales of all the boys she’d been with in the middle of a family dinner did nothing to ease Elena’s strictly Catholic mind. But even then, Tracy made Rachel happy, and a happy Rachel meant a happy Elena.

After dinner, Tracy, Rachel and Jack exchanged gifts (Rachel assured Jack she’d kept the gift receipt for Tracy’s present in case Jack thought it was a little too raunchy) and Jack walked Rachel and Tracy to the door. Tracy hugged Jack and headed straight for the car, but Rachel stayed behind for a moment.

“I’m sorry I was rude to your grandma after dinner, Jack…” said Rachel. Her voice was trembling. Jack had never seen her like this before.

“What’s going on, Rachel?” he said, not certain he would like the answer.

She swallowed, blinking rapidly. “I just… I just got some stuff to figure out…”

Rachel was dreading that if she investigated who she was and what she wanted out of life, Jack may not be suited to the life she wanted to live. It was such a terrifying thought.

She looked up at him. “If I changed, would you… would you be mad?”

“Changed?” said Jack. “Everyone changes, Rachel.”

“Yeah, but… I just realised some stuff about myself recently, and that I’m not happy with who I am,” said Rachel. Now she’d started she couldn’t stop. “It’s like I’ve been living this version of myself because I thought it’s what people wanted from me, and the real me—it’s like I don’t even have a version of me. I wanna find a version of me, but I’m scared that if I do I’ll lose people, and I’m scared I might lose you, and… I’m just scared, Jack.”

Jack suddenly realised that this was probably the first time Rachel had asked him for advice about her problems. Yet he couldn’t count the amount of times she’d been there for him on two hands alone.

“I’m not gonna go anywhere,” said Jack, nonchalantly, as if it was ridiculous of Rachel to even think that. “You’re my best friend. Whoever you think you are, I like you. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Rachel hugged Jack, relieved. “I’m okay. I’ll be fine.”

Rachel bade Jack goodbye, and as he waved he felt a sense of pride for his friend. He was excited to see where this journey of self-discovery would lead her. He hoped she would still have time for him when she was through.

*

Jack sat on the couch, basking in the silence. Elena had gone to bed at least an hour ago, around the same time Jack had assumed this position on the couch and hadn’t budged since. Despite his full length stripy pyjamas, he was a little cold. He didn’t want to move though. Whenever he was alone, he’d get lost in thought all over again. He’d think of Edgar, and how much he missed having his friendship in his life. He’d think of his mother, and dreaded what he would do if anything happened to Elena. And most of all, he’d think of Larsen, and what he could have done wrong to make him pull away like that.

Jack got up, took one last look at the Christmas decorations and his empty, silent home before deciding to head up to bed.

“Merry Christmas,” he muttered to no one. He was about to ascend the stairs before he heard a frantic knock at the door.

Jack groaned. Whoever it was, they’d better not have woken up his grandma.

When he opened the door, his foul mood was gone. Larsen was there, and he looked so vulnerable. When Larsen saw Jack, he did a slight double take.

Larsen had been so pumped from Gabrielle’s surprise motivational speech that he hadn’t given much thought to what he would say when he actually saw Jack. It felt like a lifetime since he’d seen him. He was trying so hard to find the words, but he couldn’t stop staring into Jack’s eyes. He’d missed him so much. Ready or not, the moment had come.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to both of them, he said something.

“Everything is fucked.” His harsh words contradicted how soft and kind his face was. Jack’s eyebrows knitted.

Larsen took a step closer to Jack. “I’m gonna be a dad, and I just got done having a movie night with the baby’s mother and her boyfriend, my best friend. And I’m okay with that.”

Jack’s breath quickened. His heart was hammering against his chest. He doubted that’s all Larsen came here to say.

Larsen wanted to take Jack’s hand, but he was still scared. Gabby had made him feel so confident, but now it was actually happening he was all nerves. “But I… I understand if you’re not, and if it’s too much for you.”

Jack was silent. Larsen could hardly stand it.

“I want… everything you want,” Larsen’s voice was trembling. “I have for a really long time. And now I finally wanna do something about it but I’m just scared, because everything’s so fucked. Everything’s fucked, and I’m okay with it. I just…”

Jack’s insides felt like they were dancing around. The warmest smile flickered on his face.

“Are you… okay with that?” Larsen said softly. Every bone in his body had been so scared of asking that question that he would rather have cut Jack out of his life than bring it up, and now it was out in the open. It was terrifying.

Jack sighed. He couldn’t believe that that’s what this was about.

“Of course I’m okay with that,” Jack said in disbelief. “Of course I am.”

Larsen’s sigh of relief almost came out as a laugh.

“Merry Christmas, Jack,” said Larsen, taking Jack’s hand. Jack flinched at the shock of how cold Larsen’s hands were, but quickly brushed that aside and intertwined his fingers with Larsen’s. He’d missed holding Larsen’s hand so much.

Jack’s head was spinning and he could feel his cheeks burning. “Merry Christmas, Larsen.”

Larsen took one final step closer to Jack, eliminating the space between them. His free hand moved to Jack’s cheek. God, his hands were so cold. The cold had never been so comforting.

And suddenly, their lips met. They kissed, and then they kissed again. They couldn’t stop. Jack’s hand ran through Larsen’s hair, and Larsen caressed Jack’s cheek. Larsen was trembling so much his legs threatened to give way, but Jack held him tight. They wrapped themselves around each other, just wanting to be as close as possible. This was perfect. This was where they were supposed to be. 

When they finally pulled apart, they were both laughing. Larsen rested his forehead on Jack’s, and they both closed their eyes, enjoying the moment. They were both thinking about how crazy it was that they hadn’t done that sooner.

“Wow,” Jack murmured, struggling to find the words.

Larsen smiled and took shaky breaths. “Yeah…”

They broke apart, but still held hands. They were giggling in disbelief.

“You can, um… you can come in,” said Jack, whose face had turned tomato red and he was thrilled Larsen wouldn’t be able to see it very well in the dark of the night.

Larsen was shivering. “Yeah, it’s cold.”

Jack led Larsen upstairs. He wasn’t entirely sure if he was dreaming or not. He was leaning towards the theory that this was, in fact, reality – whenever he dreamed this scenario, he was rarely this nervous.

Larsen sat down on Jack’s bed. “It’s tomorrow.”

Jack looked at his clock. So it was. “Merry Christmas.” Jack sat next to Larsen.

Larsen smiled, resting his head on Jack’s shoulder. “So I’ve heard.”

Jack wrapped an arm around Larsen, running his hand up and down his arm, in utter disbelief that any of this was happening. His head was still spinning from their passionate rendezvous in the doorway. 

“Can you stay tonight?” Jack murmured into Larsen’s hair.

Larsen smirked mischievously. “Depends, can I borrow one of your iconic stripy pyjama sets?”

“Hey!”

“I’m dead serious.”

Jack sighed with a grin and got up. Larsen watched him rummage through his chest of drawers. His heart was so full. The haunting memory of Jack exiting his car after Larsen had pushed him away was being replaced by this image of Jack suppressing the widest smile while his trembling hands dug through his immaculately tidied drawers for pyjamas.

Jack had selected an almost identical set to the one he was wearing, and Larsen laughed.

“Dude, why?” he chuckled. Jack shrugged.

“It’s all people can think to get me for Christmas…”

Larsen kept laughing, and Jack was shushing him, grinning. “My grandma might wake up.”

“Right, right, I’m sorry,” whispered Larsen playfully, getting changed into the pyjamas. Jack had to stop himself from laughing too; Larsen looked like him now, and it was so strange.

When Larsen was done, he turned to face Jack. “It’s like looking in a badly dressed mirror!”

“Shut up,” Jack said, still giggling, staring at the floor. He watched Larsen’s feet walk towards him, and felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Just remembered, I… don’t have anything for you for Christmas,” said Larsen softly. Jack smiled and shook his head.

“This is enough.”

Jack finally looked up at Larsen. His face was so full of love. Without a second thought, Jack kissed him again, softly. The sensation was everything he’d ever dreamed of, and he doubted he’d ever get used to it.

*

Larsen’s phone buzzed at 7am the following morning, waking him up. He was lying in Jack’s bed, and Jack’s arms were wrapped around him. He was the little spoon. He had never been the little spoon before. In fact, he had very rarely been a spoon at all.

Larsen reached for his phone, careful not to disturb Jack. Gabrielle had sent him a picture on WhatsApp. When Larsen opened it, he saw Fareed surrounded by torn up red wrapping paper, clutching an Atari VCS, his eyes wild with excitement. The caption read:

“Fareed wanted 2 relive his childhood! And so he shall! Merry Christmas Larsen ;)”

Winky face. Oh wow. Larsen sighed; the shipping brigade were gonna have a field day with this.

Larsen got up to leave; he didn’t want to disturb Jack and Elena’s Christmas traditions. Jack stirred as Larsen left his arms and got changed into his own clothes.

“I’m cold, can you be the big spoon now?” Jack said sleepily. Larsen chuckled, pulling the duvet as much as possible over Jack.

“I gotta go,” Larsen whispered, kneeling down to face Jack. His eyes were still closed, halfway between sleep and consciousness.

“No,” whined Jack. “It’s Christmas.”

“Exactly, your grandma will want to spend it with you,” said Larsen, stroking Jack’s hair. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

Jack smiled. “Yes please.”

Larsen smiled, his cheeks going slightly pink at Jack’s innocent and sleepy honesty, and kissed Jack on the forehead before leaving the house as quietly as possible.

As he walked home, colours seemed brighter. The world didn’t seem so scary or dull anymore. A world where he had Jack’s love and Jack had his just made everything seem better. He couldn’t keep the grin off his face. He was so tired and cold and he was sliding everywhere on the icy paths to his house, but this was the happiest day of his life.

“Merry Christmas, Jack,” Larsen muttered to himself, thinking only of Jack’s smile when he realised Larsen loved him the whole way home.


	11. Back to School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so these next few chapters might be kind of hard on Edgar. It's not because I don't like Edgar. I love Edgar. He has two appreciation threads on @incorrectpsb on Twitter. He is my special secret soft boi.
> 
> Both Rachel and Edgar have kind of autobiographical elements in their stories for this fic. I based a lot of what happens to them off of stuff that went down in my life (loosely, but it's definitely there). Like Edgar, I found myself in a very dark place once upon a time. Edgar's thought process and attitude is very similar to how I reacted to it, even though deep down I was a good, caring person. It just wasn't showing at the time. I don't think Edgar is legit a bad, scary person - quite the opposite, in fact!
> 
> TL;DR Edgar is back and I love him. I promise things will get better for him. xx

Despite the catastrophic events that had unfolded in the previous months, for the most part the residents of Beaumont found that this particular Christmas had been the best they had ever spent. Rachel had spent the day with her father and Tracy, the only two she tended to confide in about her quarter-life crisis, sitting around the Millers’ dining room table playing board games after stuffing their faces with turkey. Gabrielle and Fareed worked on making Chloe’s first Christmas extra special, telling her all about their friends and their childhoods and what they’d all do next Christmas when she could be with them in person. And Larsen and Jack had spent the day on each other’s minds; their respective families didn’t complain about their perpetual grinning and daydreaming during the morning present unwrappings and Christmas dinners, but did wonder what they were so pleased about given the circumstances.

An unfortunate exception to the collective happy atmosphere Beaumont had been enjoying was Edgar, who had spent Christmas being his father’s tool. If Senator Alexander said jump, Edgar jumped. Wherever he needed Edgar to go in order for the senator to capture the love of the public, Edgar was there in a heartbeat, and never once did he want to. He usually at least tried to object to his father constantly pushing him into whatever he needed Edgar to do to secure the vote, but now he just went along with it. He didn’t have much else to do.

Edgar had been working very hard for the remainder of Christmas break trying to push away everyone close to him. Everyone that he could, anyway; he was inconveniently stuck with his father. The Trinity had closed following Cary and Marco’s imprisonment, leaving his band without a venue to perform in, and since Edgar had stopped showing up to rehearsals following this turn of events, Die Daddy Die unfortunately became a thing of the past after a while. Fight club was out of the question, and Edgar had made certain Jack was no longer a part of his life. He wanted to see Jack again, but he knew Jack pitied him. He fucking hated the thought of anyone pitying him.

Of all the people who had reasons to be terrified of the return to Prospere Academy after winter break, Edgar was the one who dreaded it the most. Gabrielle was nervous about the gossip surrounding her pregnancy, Fareed wasn’t ready to face everyone after the drama with his family, Jack and Larsen were worried about how they would handle their relationship around people who wouldn’t understand, and Rachel was about to enter an old environment with a new personality and it felt like stepping into a minefield. But everybody had people to support them along the way in their time of doubt and fear. Everybody except Edgar.

*

Edgar arrived back to school earlier than everyone else after New Year’s. He wanted to see everyone else return. He knew it would only feed the boiling rage in his chest that seemed to have grown stronger since the day he kicked Jack out of his car, but he wanted to. Anger was better than feeling nothing at all.

Rachel had arrived first; not so much because she wanted to be the first one to all her classes as she had before, it was more out of a leftover habit. Her shaky, nervous breaths were visible in the crisp winter air as she walked. She was practically drowning in a blanket scarf and wrapped in her white winter coat. She had wondered if everything would look different upon her return, but it all looked the same. It freaked her out even more. She had changed so much, and so had everyone else, and she had half expected other things to change with her. It hadn’t, and she didn’t know what to do with that. Everybody in there would expect her to be the same old Rachel, and she simply wasn’t.

To calm her nerves, she thought about how excited she was to interrogate Jack about all the times she’d been to visit him and Elena had informed her that he was out with Larsen. According to what she’d heard from Gabrielle and Fareed, it should be an interesting conversation.

“BOOM!”

Rachel jumped. Tracy had grabbed her shoulders from behind. Rachel grinned.

“Tracy! You’re early!”

“Not early enough! I wanted to walk you to school today! You left without me!” said Tracy, pouting.

Rachel chuckled, nudging Tracy playfully. “Never again.” They walked inside, and Rachel could almost forget how scared she was.

Gabrielle and Fareed arrived soon after Rachel and Tracy had walked inside. Fareed was eager to start driving again, having somewhat abandoned it upon moving to India. He didn’t have many places he wanted to go when he was there. Gabby had been quite the voice of encouragement whenever they drove anywhere together. They had gone out driving a lot since the new year began; they were tired of being housecats and they didn’t have to play host to Larsen nearly as much anymore. They had been immensely enjoying what remained of the Christmas markets, and had taken pictures together that Fareed couldn’t wait to have framed and hung up in his living room.

When Gabby pulled into the parking lot and stopped the car, her left arm immediately cradled her belly protectively. Her bump wasn’t entirely noticeable by this point, but Gabby was determined to give Chloe as many hugs as possible even if it wasn’t too practical. Fareed squeezed the hand on Gabby’s belly.

“We’ll be alright,” he said confidently.

“We will?” Gabby winced, grimacing.

Fareed shrugged. “Not right away, probably. But realistically, everything will work out eventually. It has to.”

Gabby forced the best smile she could. Fareed had to think that things would get better, she supposed. She didn’t know how else he’d survive his life if he didn’t believe that.

They climbed out the car, thanking whatever was up there that they’d come early and could avoid stares from nosy onlookers (except Edgar Alexander, who was watching them from afar, but he seemed to be looking right through them).

The final arrival unlocked a primal and almost cathartic rage in Edgar. Larsen’s Cadillac had arrived, and was being rather clumsily parked as far away from the other cars as possible. It was for the best; had there been other vehicles near it, they would have been lucky only to receive a scratch. 

Larsen had been staring conscientiously at the road the entire journey to school, so Jack was confused as to how he was now driving at his absolute worst.

“Is there something wrong?” said Jack, relieved that the bumpy ride was over.

“Nope, I’m good.” His voice was at least an octave higher than usual.

Jack sighed. “It’s okay if you’re not”—

“Well there’s not much I can do about it, is there? We’re here now,” Larsen snapped.

Jack fell silent. There was a pause and Larsen spoke again, much softer this time.

“I’m sorry,” Larsen croaked. “It’s just a lot.”

Jack smiled. “You apologise so much now.”

“Obviously been spending way too much time with you,” Larsen said playfully, nudging Jack’s shoulder.

They were quiet again. They didn’t want to leave the car; returning to their old lives in such a new and different situation was nerve-wracking.

“I know we’re not gonna tell anyone yet,” said Larsen, his hands shaking. “It’s just… I don’t want anyone talking shit or, y’know…”

“I get that,” said Jack, confused. They’d already agreed not to tell anyone yet to avoid whispers and, worst case scenario, hate crimes. Why was Larsen talking about this again?

“It’s not…” Larsen stuttered for a while before getting to the point, looking down into his lap. “I’m not ashamed of you. That’s not why… I just wanted you to know that.”

Jack felt a warm glow in his chest. 

“Thank you,” he said, before mischievously adding, “I’m extremely ashamed of you though. You’re kind of a mess.”

Larsen turned to face him, one eyebrow raised, and they both burst out laughing. When they were done, Larsen gazed at Jack for a while. He’d said “I love you” before, but he’d made sure to phrase it in a friendly way. Saying it now would be in a whole new context. Sitting in the parking lot with Jack, terrified, excited and giddy all at once, he really wanted to say it again. He wanted to make sure Jack knew.

He resigned to squeezing Jack’s hand and climbing out the car. Another time. Perhaps it was too soon.

Jack and Larsen had been prepared to face all their classmates and act like everything was normal, at least for a little while, except Edgar.

Edgar greeted them both with glares, a particularly tense one reserved for Larsen. He hadn’t seen Larsen since the day he threw Jack out his car. He’d still been in the hospital then. God, Edgar would love to put him back in there. 

Seeing Edgar again had made Jack realise how much he missed him. He’d told Larsen about it before returning to school, and once he explained himself, Larsen really did understand. Edgar was Jack’s friend, he had been there for him when he needed him. Jack wanted to return the favour now. While Larsen didn’t have particularly fond memories of Edgar, if it made Jack happy, he’d support it.

“Hey, Edgar!” Jack was so genuinely happy to see him, but Edgar didn’t quite see it that way.

“What?” he snapped. Jack’s smile faded so fast.

“Hey, man, we weren’t the ones staring at you as soon as you got in,” muttered Larsen coldly.

“I was just thinking about how you’re gonna juggle fatherhood AND being an academic failure,” Edgar taunted. 

It was taking so much strength, physically and mentally, for Larsen to resist punching him in his stupid smirking mouth. Jack sensed this, and put a comforting hand on Larsen’s shoulder. It worked a little.

“Let’s go,” Jack said, trying to hide the desperation in his voice. He didn’t trust either of them not to say or do something unfortunate.

Larsen, breathing heavily, eventually obliged and walked inside. Jack stayed behind. He opened his mouth to say something, thought better of it and followed Larsen inside. Maybe he could try talking to Edgar again without Larsen around. 

Edgar had grown so bitter over the holidays. If the friendly and gentle core that Jack had grown accustomed to was still there, it was buried deep. He was so angry that no one knew the pain he felt. Everyone had come back so happy and had resolved to make better lives for themselves, except for him. If Gabby, Fareed and Larsen could all recover so well from their tragedies, obviously they hadn’t been that affected by them in the first place. They didn’t really know what it was so suffer, or to lose something so important that life without it seemed impossible.

But they would. Larsen in particular would. Soon he’d be taken down a notch or ten.


	12. New Year, New Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> London is back! And Jack's still a nerd!
> 
> Also I just realised I've never tried to describe what it's like having internalised biphobia about yourself until writing this chapter. Huh. There you have it.

As the day went on, Jack and Larsen found that they’d been rather spoiling themselves in the brief period between Christmas Eve and returning to school after New Year’s. It was strange being in the same room and not touching in some way. They would be walking to class or in the library, and would smile and walk towards one another, and then remember that they couldn’t hold hands right now. It physically hurt a little bit. 

They didn’t have much time to dwell on it, though. Everyone had been preoccupied getting Gabrielle and Fareed through their first day back. Gabrielle would glare hard at anyone she caught snickering at Fareed, Fareed snapped at anyone who even looked at Gabby’s stomach funny and Larsen had strong words for anyone who had any judgement to pass on either of them. There were some who weren’t deterred by this, but the numbers of detractors certainly decreased throughout the day.

Gabby saw an opportunity during recess to take her mind off things; by finally interrogating Larsen about his ‘mysterious’ absence from Fareed’s apartment since Christmas Eve.

“Oh hi there, Mr Unavailable,” she announced, sliding onto the desk Larsen was reading at. She wasn’t acting like herself, but she was being judged pretty hard by all their peers right now and didn’t particularly want to be herself.

She got a peek at the cover of Larsen’s book. “Oh my God you’re reading his nerd plays now! Precious.”

Larsen’s face went pale.

“Oh come on, Larsen, don’t pretend,” she teased, poking him in the arm. She was laying it on real thick, but she desperately needed the distraction. “Gimme the dirty details! Come on, come on, come”—

“Gabby.” Larsen was practically growling under his breath. “Don’t.”

Gabby took notice of her surroundings. People were staring, and they were all the same people that had thrown some judgemental looks and remarks her way all day. Having exhausted themselves prying into Gabby and Fareed’s lives, they’d caught onto the fact that Larsen had some juicy gossip; and it was something they certainly wouldn’t even try to understand.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry,” she whispered with a sigh.

Larsen shrugged. “What you gonna do?”

Gabby got down from the table and sat next to Larsen, who was trying to pretend to everyone except Gabby that he was extremely in this play he was actually rather struggling to wrap his head around. They began to talk in whispers, which made everyone lose interest.

“So…?” said Gabby. 

Larsen said nothing.

“It… did go well then?”

Larsen’s face softened for a moment. “Yeah. Really well.”

Gabby smiled, and then remembered where she was.

“And you’re… not telling people right now.”

Larsen froze. Whenever the concept of telling people crossed his mind, he was teleported back to the night he found Jack praying. It had really shaken him. Jack was the least sinful person he knew, and yet he had prayed for forgiveness and expressed fear for his immortal soul all because he was in love with a boy. He never wanted Jack to feel like there was anything wrong with him again. He didn’t want these douchebags making him feel that way.

This was largely because, although in theory he knew this wasn’t true, Larsen felt like there was something wrong with him.

He didn’t want to, but he did. Whenever a family member or a friend had made derogatory remarks about gay people, he’d always brushed it off. It was too far away from him to bother with it, it simply didn’t concern him. But now he could hear every single homophobic slur he’d ever heard like an echo chamber in his brain, like they were talking about him. When he had this many people in his head telling him how disgusting and unnatural he was, he couldn’t help but believe it a little bit. As grateful as Larsen was to have Jack’s love in his life, he lamented that everything would be a lot easier if he didn’t have these feelings. He just hoped Jack wasn’t having these same thoughts about himself.

Through the echoes of the past and his own fearful thoughts, Larsen managed to get out a few words in response to Gabby’s question. “No, we’re not telling people right now.” Now wasn’t the time or the place to relay all these thoughts to Gabby, or to anyone.

Gabby shrugged. “You shouldn’t care.”

Larsen raised one eyebrow at her. “That is… so easy for you to say.”

“Whatever, I’ll fight anyone who says anything with my bare hands.”

Larsen smirked. He was sure she would certainly try.

“What about Chloe?”

“She’ll fight with me. Double strength, baby.”

Larsen chuckled. Fareed’s sense of humour was certainly rubbing off on her.

After a brief silence, Larsen sheepishly said, “not even joking – I really wanna know what happens next.” Larsen tapped the page of the play he was reading. 

Gabby snorted. “You get what’s going on?”

“I think so. I mean, at least what I think is happening is really interesting. You know?”

She did not know, but she was happy he was enjoying himself. “I’ll leave you to it. Nerd.”

*

At lunchtime, Tracy slammed a large brochure down in front of Rachel and the table shook. Rachel didn’t even flinch. She’d become used to Tracy’s spontaneity.

A smile played on the corners of Rachel’s lips as she looked up. Tracy’s eyes were bulging with determination.

“Oh God, I know that look,” Rachel sighed playfully. Tracy was about to suggest their next adventure. She hoped it wouldn’t involve thong shopping again; despite Tracy’s insistence, Rachel could never feel comfortable in them.

“We’re going on a road trip!” Tracy blurted out.

Well, that was new.

“You wanna go on a road trip?” said Rachel, raising one eyebrow.

“Of course I do!” Tracy said as she climbed into the seat opposite Rachel. “I wanna go on a road trip with you!” She jabbed a finger down at her brochure. “These are places we can go!”

In Tracy’s haste she seemed to have picked up a travel brochure detailing places that you couldn’t possibly drive to from Beaumont. Rachel chuckled and flicked through it absentmindedly with her thumb.

“So you wanna just drop everything and go on an adventure?” said Rachel softly. She didn’t want to belittle Tracy, in fact she found this whole thing endearing; just not practical.

Tracy vigorously nodded. “You wanna find out who you are! We could find it on the road! You and me, just the two of us, driving around America and beyond!”

Tracy began gazing into the distance as she spoke. “I wouldn’t be the class bimbo, and you wouldn’t be the trifling bitch! You could be Rachel, and I could be me!”

The colour drained from Rachel’s face. “They don’t still say that…?”

Tracy wished she’d stopped talking a sentence earlier. “No—no they don’t—that’s not what I meant…” She knew she’d said something unfortunate. She was getting better at this whole ‘think before you talk’ thing thanks to Rachel, but sometimes she slipped up. 

Rachel smiled. “You meant… we could be free of what people think we are, right?”

Tracy’s face lit up with relief. “Yeah! That’s exactly it!”

Rachel nodded, but she still had doubts. What Tracy was describing sounded wonderful, and yet…

“Tracy, really think about what you’re suggesting,” said Rachel. She hesitated for a moment, and then kept going. 

“You want to drop everything, our lives, everything we worked for, and go on a trip of self-discovery? Just the two of us, alone in a car, meeting all kinds of strangers and trying new things and doing whatever we want and…?”

All of this had sounded much worse in Rachel’s head. As she said it aloud, she realised how much fun all of this could really be.

“You know,” said Rachel, barely containing the huge grin that was forming the more she thought of the road trip possibilities. “I don’t have any plans this summer. Maybe.”

Tracy’s heart could have exploded.

“YES!” She rhythmically drummed her hands on the table in excitement and spoke as loudly and as proudly as possible, in a tone of voice that imitated a very enthusiastic sports commentator. “We’re going on a spontaneous road trip!”

“After we finish the academic year,” Rachel giggled, taking a bite from her sandwiches.

“After we finish the academic year!” Tracy continued in her announcer voice, making Rachel laugh more.

Rachel was positive that Tracy’s road trip idea wouldn’t automatically drop whatever she was looking for into her lap, but perhaps a break from Beaumont was what she needed. Rachel craved something bigger than herself, something she’d never experienced before, to complete her. She had simply experienced everything Beaumont had to offer. Perhaps it was time to, at least temporarily, seek a change of scenery. Even then, she knew she wanted to take something familiar with her to avoid homesickness, and she was more than happy for that thing to be Tracy.

*

Mr London had been worried about the number of drama club members he would have under his wing following Simone and Damien’s sudden departure to Detroit. Well, so they had said before New Year. They seemed to have done a bit of travelling since then, having somehow found his WhatsApp and sent him several pictures of themselves feeding elephants in Thailand. He had to wonder where they were finding the money to go on all these adventures.

There was no great cause for concern after all, it turned out. Rachel and Tracy returned, Jack had come back and had brought Larsen with him (though he insisted he would not be acting in any productions) and Gabrielle would be assisting with costume design; she had wanted to act but would be in a very late stage by the time the next production came around. Fareed had come along too, but was undecided about cast or tech. The only one London was unsure of was Edgar. He had heard great things about his portrayal of Mercutio in Romeo and Juliet, some even going as far to say that he was the only saving grace of the whole production, but Edgar had yet to confirm if he was going to be trying out for any other productions. Not that London was in much of a position to refuse auditionees.

When London gathered the membership for the first drama club meeting of the semester, to his surprise he had quite a number of new members. Larsen was acquainted with a few of them and knew for a fact that they were only here because they were so amused by the Romeo and Juliet disaster and wanted to get a first-hand look at the chaos, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to tell anyone else that. Bless, they all looked so excited.

The first ‘rehearsal’ went exactly how Rachel and Jack always remembered them. Since there was no cast and barely even a production in place to work towards yet, the hour was filled up largely with icebreakers, drama exercises that involved a lot of shouting and London making the occasional long-winded speech to use up the excessive amount of time they had.

“This year, we’re going to be changing things up a bit,” said London. Jack, who had been daydreaming a bit as he was so used to ‘welcome back to drama club’ speeches, suddenly directed all his attention towards London.

“I’m looking to get you all more involved in the production side of theatre,” London announced. “As of tomorrow, I will be accepting applications for an assistant director.”

Jack wondered if it was obvious that he was internally exploding. It certainly was to Rachel, who shot a knowing look at Jack along with a smile. She recalled many a conversation with Jack during which he had spoken about how much he would love to direct, especially alongside London.

“It will be quite informal, you’ll be helping me out and supporting me but I also want you to be confident enough to bring your own ideas to the production,” London continued. “Performing as part of the cast isn’t essential, but encouraged.”

London tried to sound casual about that last bit, but he was rather desperate for the assistant director to want to act as well. As much as he wanted to try this out, he wasn’t sure he could give up any of his cast members. He didn’t know how long the newbies would stick around.

The meeting concluded, and Larsen sighed, smiling.

“3… 2… 1…”

“LARSEN OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!”

“Yeah, there it is,” Larsen muttered, chuckling. Jack was bounding towards him, rambling on and on about London’s announcement. Everything Jack was saying about directorial duties and the wonders of theatre was pretty lost on Larsen, but he was certainly getting the impression that this was something Jack had wanted for a long time. The enthusiasm and passion radiating off of him was making Larsen’s heart throb. He hoped it was showing in his face.


	13. House Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I PROMISE things get better for Edgar. I love him. And so does Beth. Beth, I promise things get better for Edgar!

Jack’s excited spiel about the latest drama club development carried him and Larsen from Prospere Academy to their spot by the creek. After Jack had listed, in detail, the duties included in the role of assistant director and how much he’d love to carry out every single one of them, he suddenly got very quiet. “Do you think he’d even consider me?”

Larsen had to laugh. “Jack, I’m pretty sure the entire reason he’s doing the whole assistant director thing is so he can let you do it.”

Jack’s face lit up. “You think so?!”

“Yeah, it’s really obvious.”

A train whizzed by. It was Jack’s favourite sound in the world. They both fell silent and Jack rested his head on Larsen’s shoulder. 

“Are you okay?” said Jack sheepishly. 

Larsen didn’t have the courage to tell Jack what he was feeling. He’d told him he wasn’t ashamed of him, but his own thoughts about himself seemed to contradict that. Everything was so perfect right now and telling Jack he thought life would be easier if he didn’t love him would certainly put a damper on things. He didn’t want Jack to misunderstand him; it wasn’t Jack that was the problem, but Larsen didn’t have the words to explain that. It was better to say nothing at all.

“I’m always okay,” Larsen said, with a little too much bravado as he ruffled Jack’s hair. Jack wasn’t buying it, but Larsen was quick to change the subject.

“So, Edgar’s still a prick.” Well, he’d certainly planned to phrase that more delicately.

Jack sighed, sitting up. “I… I feel so bad.”

Larsen frowned. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I wish he’d talk to me,” Jack winced.

Honestly? Larsen wished for that too. Sure, he hated Edgar, but there was no sense in cutting Jack out like this. It was making Jack miserable, and Larsen was willing to bet that Edgar wasn’t doing much better.

“Want to go talk to him?”

Jack looked towards Larsen, taken aback. Was Larsen really encouraging a friendship between Jack and Edgar?

“You’re not…?” How was Jack going to phrase it?

Larsen chuckled, embarrassed. “Jealous?” Yeah, that was it, Jack just hadn’t wanted to say that. “No, I’m not.”

Jack was overjoyed that Larsen was talking about Edgar without bringing up how much he hated him. It was a low bar to set, but it was something. Now hopefully, Jack could get Edgar to do the same for Larsen.

“Let’s go back and get the car, I’ll drive you there,” said Larsen softly. The warmth in his voice regarding something Edgar-related was making Jack’s heart sing.

“Can we stay here a little longer?” Jack said, placing his hand over Larsen’s. 

Larsen grinned. “Yeah, we can do that.”

Larsen got a good look at his favourite place in Beaumont as Jack leaned against him. He wanted to spend the night here again, with Jack, under the stars. It was far too cold for that right now, but after January had passed it should be fine. He’d make a surprise out of it. Jack would love that.

*

Jack knocked on the door of Alexander Manor. He was so nervous, but it was comforting knowing that Larsen was just a few feet away waiting for him, and unlikely to come out and physically confront Edgar upon seeing him. Was he internally congratulating Larsen for not engaging in a fist fight with Edgar? Huh.

Senator Alexander answered the door. He seemed to look right through Jack.

“Ah, hello again…” He took an embarrassingly long time trying to remember Jack’s name. “…Russell?”

“No, that’s not even close,” Jack said before he could stop himself. He was just amazed at how off base Edgar’s father had been. “Is Edgar here?”

“Yes, he’s upstairs, please come in.” Jack mentally noted that Edgar’s father had made no attempt to find out what Jack’s name actually was. 

“Actually, I, um… can’t stay.” Given how livid Edgar had been at the sight of him this morning, coming into his house may not have been the best idea. 

“Alright, I’ll let him know you’re here.” The senator vanished up the stairs, and Jack was thrilled to be free of his company. A minute or so later, Edgar came to the door. He looked so… tired.

“Hey.” Jack froze. Everything he wanted to tell Edgar over Christmas break wasn’t coming to him as naturally as it did when he went over this moment in his head. It was like when someone asked him what his favourite play was, and he instantly forgot every play he’d ever known. Now he was here, he had no idea what he wanted to say.

Edgar was very familiar with this quirk of Jack’s and decided to be patient. He knew Jack would talk when he was ready and when he had the words, there was no sense in pushing it. That would just prolong the awkwardness, and Edgar was quite anxious to get out of this. It was just going to be more of Jack stumbling through clichés. 

Eventually, as per Edgar’s prediction, Jack found the words. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out, and that I didn’t phrase it very well before. I just… I do want to be your friend. I know you want something more, I’m sorry I can’t give you that.”

Edgar chuckled and rolled his eyes. A classic Jack Winters apology; saying sorry for something you really don’t have to say sorry for. He’d missed those.

“I’d like to be your friend too, Jack.” Jack felt a surge of hope. Edgar seemed like his old self again; friendly and confident, and open to everything.

“I’m sorry about this morning,” Edgar continued. “I just… I don’t like Larsen.”

“Why?” said Jack nervously. He was scared of the answer.

Edgar averted Jack’s gaze as he thought back to all his interactions with Larsen. “He… I don’t think he ever appreciated you.”

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. He hadn’t expected that.

“He only hung out with you when it was convenient for him,” said Edgar through gritted teeth. “He kicked you to the curb because you cramped his style in front of his old-new girlfriend and came crawling back when he saw you were happy again with me. He saw you happy without him and he couldn’t take that. He’s a selfish person.”

Edgar involuntarily thought of Petey, and every variation of Petey he’d ever met in his life. “People like that don’t change, Jack.”

Jack was shaken by Edgar’s words. It was true; Larsen had dropped him so fast when Gabby came back into his life. It had hurt him so much, feeling like he wasn’t enough. Jack did find it grating, and there were times he didn’t want Larsen around at all because of it. He could even say that sometimes he was furious at Larsen because of it.

But then, he remembered that very morning, when Larsen had not-so-eloquently assured Jack that he wasn’t ashamed of him. He thought back to the night in the bowling alley when he had chosen Jack over everything else, and all the hospital visits where Larsen had straight up told Jack that he was the only one he really wanted to see. He remembered how Larsen had held his hand, no matter who was watching, and he had held it tight. Jack believed the shame that had kept Larsen away for so long was gone now. Jack believed in Larsen and believed that he had changed. He wanted everyone else to have that same belief.

But even if Edgar’s distaste for Larsen was reasonable, Jack was so puzzled by Edgar and Larsen’s primal hatred of each other. They were very different, but so were Jack and Larsen. There was no reason for them to despise each other so much, but they did. It upset Jack so much, but maybe he could change things.

“He’s not that person anymore, Edgar,” said Jack. “I don’t think he ever was that person, he just… needed to let everyone else know him like I do. I think you’d like him how he is now.”

Edgar sighed and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think I can, Jack.”

There was an awkward silence before Edgar spoke again.

“But hey, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends again,” said Edgar softly. He was tired of isolating himself. Maybe he was ready to get back to the world again.

This development gave a very ecstatic Jack a little too much confidence. “Larsen’s just outside if you wanna join us today?”

Edgar looked past Jack, and upon noticing Larsen’s car his face darkened again. His usual tenderness was gone, immediately making Jack pray to whatever was up there for a rewind button. 

Edgar was transported back to the day of the accident; he had awoken feeling blissful, believing that Jack finally loved him as he loved Jack, but all Jack was talking about was Larsen. He remembered them holding hands, and the red-hot rage that had overtaken him at the sight of it. He remembered thinking that as long as Larsen was in Jack’s life, there was no real place for Edgar. 

Nothing had changed since that day, and nothing would change. Edgar realised that now, and he wasn’t going to tag along and be Jack’s charity case.

“No thank you.” And just like that, Edgar was gone again, and the door was slammed in Jack’s face both figuratively and literally.

Jack instinctively held up his fist to knock again, but then lowered it almost immediately afterwards. There was no use now. There was just no getting through to him. Maybe it was finally time for Jack to leave Edgar alone. The thought of it broke his heart, but he had to realise a lost cause when he saw it, even if it’s not what he wanted.

Jack walked back to Larsen’s car and climbed inside. Larsen could tell how it had gone just by looking at Jack but asked anyway.

“So how did it go?” 

Jack just shook his head. He looked so defeated.

Larsen grimaced and put a comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder. Even after all this time, Larsen’s touch sent a jolt of electricity through Jack’s body. 

“It’s gonna be okay,” Larsen murmured.

The way Larsen had said that almost made Jack believe it, but he just couldn’t. As they drove away, Jack couldn’t stop thinking about Edgar. Larsen tried to distract him by talking about the assistant director role, but it just didn’t work. Larsen had been so willing to patch things up if it made Jack happy, and Jack had hoped Edgar would do the same, but he didn’t. Jack hadn’t expected Edgar to choose his feud with Larsen over Jack’s happiness, but he had. Jack had finally given up on Edgar, and he didn’t know what to do now.

*

Edgar had stormed back up to his room immediately after shutting Jack out. His father barely batted an eye at the whole exchange. Edgar hadn’t expected him to. 

Edgar lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling as rage burned in his heart. He didn’t understand how Jack couldn’t see how perfect they could both be together. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He could see exactly what was in the way: Larsen. Jack was so enamoured by Larsen, who obviously wasn’t right for him. Jack had to be shown that there was no future between him and Larsen, and Edgar wanted to be the one to do it.

The trouble was that there was no way to make Jack see that, he was too blinded by love, but Edgar could certainly show Larsen that simple truth with ease. Larsen was insecure, hiding behind all that teenage bluster and pretending to be tough to mask his weaknesses. Hell, just think of how easily Brandon had baited him into joining that dumb fight club. Edgar could use that to his advantage; Larsen was far too emotional, and it would be so easy to manipulate that. 

Edgar made up his mind. It was for Jack’s own good.


	14. Cuisine de Larsen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I halted the plot entirely for fluff. And there's nothing you can do about it.

The months that followed could only be described as teamwork on everybody’s part. The only people that knew about Jack and Larsen were Gabby, Fareed and Rachel, and Rachel had no intention of letting Tracy in on the secret. She knew Tracy wouldn’t tell anybody, but the less people that knew, the less chance there was of it spreading too far and hurting someone. Unbeknownst to them all, Tracy was more perceptive than anyone gave her credit for. In fact, Tracy thought it was downright adorable that any of them thought that they were the first to know that Jack and Larsen were in love. That honour belonged to her and her alone.

Gabby was certainly showing by April, and she and Fareed had still been fending off the occasional insult or snicker directed their way. Larsen had been hard at work defending them, and even Jack had stood up for them. Gabby had deeply appreciated that. She’d never given Jack the time of day before, and there were times when she really felt like she despised him. But now, she was glad Jack was in her life through Larsen. He was a really good listener. He never tried to solve her problems, and she was very grateful for that. Gabby couldn’t stand teenage faux counsellors who thought they had the answers to everything. She just wanted someone to listen to her, and Jack did. She wished they’d been friends sooner, and so did Jack. Gabby’s fearlessness and confidence in herself could even counteract his own shyness at times.

Larsen could see that the stress of hiding their relationship was taking its toll on Jack. He looked so scared all the time. If someone so much as looked at him and Larsen when they were together, he would turn as white as a sheet. Larsen knew Jack was scared of his grandmother finding out, not to mention their classmates: if they were still giving Fareed and Gabby a hard time, it wasn’t difficult to imagine them doing the same to him and Larsen. Not to mention the loss of his friendship with Edgar had defeated Jack's optimistic spirit. Jack certainly had a lot to be scared about, but with spring chasing winter away, and the weather growing considerably warmer as a result, Larsen had an idea to cheer him up.

Having bolted out of his final class, Larsen managed to reach Jack’s locker before Jack. He began excitedly scribbling on a slip of paper against the locker door; he hadn’t wanted to risk writing this note in class in case one of the teachers took it from him and read it aloud, a pastime they seemed to enjoy. He could have texted Jack instead, or just spoken to him, but that wasn't going to cut it this time around. He wanted to make this as middle school as humanly possible, and he was very proud of himself for it.

Larsen turned to his left and saw Jack heading towards him, looking positively exhausted. Larsen finished the note, crammed it through the gaps in the locker door and sprinted out of the school entrance, his sudden burst of speed startling several bystanders.

Jack cocked his head in confusion at what he’d just witnessed and warily approached his locker to dump his textbooks inside and walk home. He supposed Larsen’s hurry to leave meant he wasn’t getting a ride home. He wondered what the rush was. Jack opened his locker door, and a clumsily folded slip of pink paper fell out. Did… did Larsen leave him a note? Did he forget Jack’s cell phone number or something?

Jack unfolded the note. There was red handwriting untidily scrawled across it; Larsen’s handiwork without a doubt. Jack could even see there was a clear effort to write neatly which unfortunately hadn’t paid off.

'Meet me at our spot,

Your Secret Admirer

xxxxx

(ok it’s me Larsen I just wanted to do that at least once maybe this is really dorky do you think it’s dorky it seemed like a good idea at the time oh shit you’re coming see ya)'

“Oh my God,” Jack blurted out, giggling to himself and turning red. Yes, this was incredibly dorky, and he loved it. He crumpled the note in his hand and held it to his chest. His relationship with Larsen was the source of so much stress for him, and yet Larsen was the only one who could even temporarily help him forget all his troubles.

*

Larsen was trying his best to artfully arrange a plate of sandwiches when Jack arrived.

“Damn, was so close to finishing up before you got here,” said Larsen with mock annoyance. Jack was both immensely amused and deeply flattered by the sight before him; Larsen had made a picnic for them.

A tablecloth was being used as a makeshift picnic blanket, and food aplenty was carefully spread out across it. A lot of it appeared to be store bought but thoughtfully selected, and the homemade sandwiches had been left in slight disarray in Larsen’s hurry to make them. The majority of the picnic’s budget seemed to have been put towards beer and Mountain Dew. Jack considered with some amusement that Larsen might have included the Mountain Dew as a non-alcoholic option. An unusual yet considerate gesture on his part.

Jack held up the note he was still clutching in his hand, trying to find the words before giving up, resorting to laughing and blushing again. Larsen nervously ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, I’m just now realising how cheesy this is,” he said in a small voice.

Jack shook his head, still giggling and walking towards Larsen. “It’s all very… elementary school.”

Elementary?! Dammit, he’d been going for middle. This was just embarrassing.

Jack laughed some more, sensing that Larsen was now even more flustered. He took Larsen’s hand, and Larsen relaxed a little.

“Elementary school Jack would have loved this, and high school Jack still loves this, so thank you,” he murmured. Larsen looked up to face him, smiling.

“We could have hung out in middle school if we’d wanted to,” Larsen remarked wistfully.

“Haha, remember when you kicked me out of your trash playground?”

Larsen raised an eyebrow and his face turned deadly serious. “You had it coming, nerd.”

Jack shook his head, chuckling. “Wait, did you just invite me here to beat me up?”

Larsen inhaled and exhaled very slowly, looking directly into Jack’s eyes as he did. “Yes.”

Larsen suddenly put Jack in a playful headlock, which Jack did not resist.

“Your lunch money! Hand it over!” said Larsen, ruffling Jack’s hair as he held him.

“Joke’s on you, I’m completely broke!” Jack yelled defiantly.

They both sank to the ground in fits of laughter, holding each other as they went. When they both calmed down, they found themselves in a tight hug.

“This is amazing,” said Jack softly.

Larsen rested his head against Jack’s. “I just wanted to cheer you up.”

Jack shrugged. “I’m always cheered up when you’re around.”

Both boys spent the next few hours sampling Cuisine de Larsen, as Jack had lovingly dubbed their meal. It was fairly standard as far as dining went, but Jack was truly moved by Larsen’s effort. This seemed like something he would have done for Larsen at some point. Jack seemed to be rubbing off on him. But then again, there was no reason that couldn’t work both ways; if Jack had gotten high and drunk because of Larsen, it only made sense that Larsen had to make extremely wholesome Jack-esque gestures every once in a while.

Larsen looked towards the sun, which had almost completely set now, and grew anxious again. He supposed that fairly soon he would have to make Jack aware of his plans for the night.

“Is there something wrong?” said Jack. Larsen wasn’t looking at him. He was looking behind a rock.

“I, uuhhhh…” Larsen didn’t know why he was so nervous, it’s not like he was about to suggest anything outlandish. They’d done this before. But now, it was just different. Everything they’d done before as friends was a little different now and he just had to get used to that.

Larsen figured it was easier just to show Jack. He went behind the rock and brought out two pillows and a blanket.

“Oh,” said Jack, a smile growing across his face. Larsen looked relieved.

“I just thought, because the weather’s so much better and—and we don’t have school tomorrow”—

“You care about school all of a sudden?” Jack teased with a smirk.

Larsen rolled his eyes. “Nope, but you do. So no pressure.”

Jack couldn’t contain his grin as Larsen created a makeshift bed for the two of them by the remains of their dinner. They would certainly be a lot more comfortable than the last time they’d slept out here.

Jack cleared away the picnic blanket because he couldn't help himself and climbed under the blanket next to Larsen and wrapped his arms around him. He loved holding Larsen like this. He felt Larsen’s whole body relax as Jack held him close to his heart. Jack gripped Larsen’s T-shirt and buried his face in Larsen's shoulder, and Larsen lovingly stroked Jack’s hands. They were both so content. The sense of security they felt when they were together like this was unlike anything either of them had ever known. 

Jack shut his eyes, focusing only on how wonderful Larsen felt tangled up in his embrace. He wanted to stay in this moment for as long as possible, before tomorrow stole tonight and he’d have to get back to life pretending that he and Larsen were just friends. He thought so long and so hard, wishing for some kind of divine entity to freeze time for him, that he faded into a dreamless sleep, holding Larsen tightly as he slipped away.


	15. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry. There is no Deadgar in this fic ;)
> 
> (Also yes, that's a My Fair Lady reference. I tried to get into the spirit of things with theatre references, ya feel?)

Clangs of silverware woke Larsen up the next morning. His eyes fluttered open and he saw Jack clearing away their picnic. Larsen quickly shut his eyes again before Jack could see he’d woken up. He wasn’t ready to face today yet. He wanted to stay in the safe, happy bubble created by their spot in the woods for a little longer.

Larsen lay still, listening to Jack tidy up. Birds tweeted, and Jack was humming along. Larsen smirked sleepily, which went unnoticed by Jack. He was starting to fall back into a blissful sleep. He was about to roll over and pull the blanket further over himself when he heard Jack say from just behind him, “are you awake?”

Larsen said nothing. He was fairly certain that Jack knowing he was awake would hinder what Jack was going to say next.

Larsen heard the crunch of the earth as Jack slowly sat next to Larsen. Larsen felt Jack gently stroke his hair with shaking hands. After a few seconds of silence, and Larsen holding his breath, Jack spoke again.

“I love you.”

Oh. This had always been fairly obvious to Larsen, and everyone else, but hearing Jack actually say it made him tense up.

Jack exhaled sharply. “There. There, I said it. You didn’t hear it, but I said it.”

Larsen was barely hiding his consciousness of the situation well and was amazed Jack hadn’t picked up on it. His heart was racing. He wanted to get up and reveal he’d heard Jack, but he couldn’t do it. As Larsen lay perfectly still, breathing in and out as steadily as possible to feign sleep, all he could think of was Jack speaking to the statue of Virgin Mary, and how Jack had voiced many of Larsen’s own fears in his prayer. Larsen’s own fear of the voices in his head that wouldn’t stop calling him disgusting and unnatural wasn’t letting him say it back. Larsen went from feeling giddy at the sound of Jack saying those three words to having his head spin in terror at what those words meant for both of them.

They were in too deep now. They couldn’t hide this forever. It was going to come out and when it did, they would have so much to face. 

After the longest minute and a half of Larsen’s life, Jack got up. When Larsen opened his eyes, he was gone.

Larsen sat up and buried his face in his hands, as if it would stop his mind racing in fear. What had he gotten himself and Jack into?

*

Larsen began to walk home, trying his best to silence his paranoid internal monologue. He didn’t want to face his family right now. He didn’t want to face Jack, or Fareed, or Gabby, or anyone. Indecision over where he wanted to be right now led him on a long, lonely walk through the streets of Beaumont. His phone pinged a few times, and he ignored it every time it did.

When he absentmindedly approached the street where he lived, he was met with an unpleasant surprise. Edgar was there. He was leaning against a street sign, and almost looked like he’d been waiting on Larsen. The thought of that made Larsen shudder.

“Um… hi?” God he hated doing pleasantries with Edgar, but he didn’t want to say or do anything to upset Jack.

Edgar stood up straight. He had that annoying smirk on again. Ugh, where on earth was this sensitive, honest and beautiful soul Jack always used to bang on about? Larsen only saw an extremely irritating demon boy whenever he looked at Edgar.

“Had a good night, Larsen?” 

Larsen froze. How could Edgar have possibly known about that? Creepy little stalker. Larsen wouldn’t let that get to him though. He had to keep cool, no matter how difficult it was.

“The best,” said Larsen, though his teeth were clenched, and his eyes were furious.

“Mm-hmm.” Edgar raised an eyebrow and took a step closer to Larsen. “How far did you two go?”

Larsen’s hands balled into fists. He couldn’t let Edgar get under his skin. He could feel it happening. He had to resist before he did something unfortunate.

“Little different from fucking girls, isn’t it?” said Edgar. Larsen flinched. Gross, the little creep was actually smiling. “Well, for you maybe. Everything was always such a big deal to you. Jack has a lot to put up with.”

Larsen concentrated very hard on his breathing. Three deep breaths, Michael, as his mother always said. Three deep breaths. Then take a step back. Everything’s fine.

Edgar stepped closer to Larsen. He lightly held the cuff of Larsen’s leather jacket. “At least you can’t knock people up that way.”

Larsen wanted to snap at Edgar and deny everything he was saying, but he knew that giving him the satisfaction wouldn’t solve anything. He simply snatched his arm away out of Edgar’s reach.

Edgar started laughing. “I’m just messing with you. You didn’t go nearly as far with Jack as I did. He practically begged for one more go at it when you drove him to my place, you know. He’s getting bored waiting around for you, Larsen.”

Larsen was about to snap, but Edgar got there first. He pushed Larsen, and he went down. As calmly as possible, Larsen got back on his feet, but he was scared now. Edgar barely played by the rules during scheduled fight club events, Larsen could only imagine what Edgar was about to unleash on him now. But even still, Larsen couldn’t lash out. 

Just think of Jack. Jack could keep him calm. Don’t give in to this little prick.

Edgar pushed Larsen again, and again, but Larsen was expecting it now. He stood his ground, breathing in and out as best he could. Don’t fight back. Let him get it out his system. 

But still, Larsen was afraid. He refused to let it show.

*

Jack had gone home for a while to concentrate on his schoolwork, as studying had very much taken a backseat to his personal life recently, but had difficulty concentrating. He thought telling Larsen he loved him while he was asleep would be cathartic, but it had only really worked for a short time. Jack felt like he’d taken the easy way out. He was exhausted by his own tendencies to only experience confidence in tiny bursts here and there. He wanted to be brave all the time, especially about this. He needed to tell Larsen for real. His brain wasn’t going to shut up until he did.

Jack went back to their spot, but Larsen wasn’t there. Thankfully, he’d left the makeshift bed just the way it was. Jack packed it away and headed towards Larsen’s house. At least this gave him an excuse to go there. That would be an interesting way to lead up to it; “hey, you left these behind, also I love you, any thoughts on that?”.

Jack mentally rehearsed it in his head as he walked. Or was it better not to do that? He hadn’t planned it the first time around. He’d just awoken, remembered who he was sleeping next to, realised he felt more content than he ever had in his life and decided to confess his undying love to someone who up until four months ago was an Outstanding Heterosexual. It was quite simple, really.

It was happening. It was about to happen. Jack clutched the blankets and pillows far tighter than was necessary as he walked.

Jack spotted an altercation on the pavement as he approached Larsen’s street. He paused; he didn’t want to get anywhere near a public fight if he could avoid it. He didn’t want to get involved by accidentally looking at some thug the wrong way.

But upon close inspection, these weren’t thugs at all. It was Larsen and Edgar, and Edgar was throwing punches at Larsen a mile a minute. Jack literally dropped everything and ran towards them.

“Edgar!” He kept shouting, but it wasn’t making any difference. “Edgar, please stop!”

Larsen was even more terrified now. “Jack, get away.”

If Edgar was angry before, it was nothing compared to how he felt now. Why did Jack have to come here and screw everything up? Why was nothing ever good enough for him? 

Edgar pushed Larsen to the ground and began kicking him. Jack shrieked.

“You don’t deserve… anything you have,” Edgar growled breathlessly as he kicked. He was absolutely blinded by rage. Larsen tried to get up but couldn’t. Edgar wasn’t about to stop.

Suddenly, two hands grabbed Edgar’s shirt from behind. They were Jack’s. His touch caught Edgar by surprise, and he froze for a second. That second was all it took. Everything went black.

*

Edgar was unconscious. Jack had knocked him out. No no no no no, this wasn’t happening. He hadn’t meant to do that, he hadn’t meant to hurt Edgar. He’d just tried to get him away from Larsen. In Jack’s haste, Edgar had fallen and been knocked out. Jack felt like he was going to vomit.

Larsen coughed violently and struggled to get up. When he lifted his head, he saw Jack, in a daze and pale with shock. He had fallen to his knees in front of Edgar. Larsen pulled himself over to Jack. He was in so much pain, but he couldn’t stop moving.

“Jack… it’s okay…” Larsen wheezed as he finally reached him. The words went right through Jack. 

“Edgar,” Jack said blankly. He was staring straight ahead, his eyes wide and unblinking. Larsen grabbed Jack by the shoulders and tried to look him in the eyes, but it was scary. He’d never seen Jack like this before.

“It’s okay, it’s all going to be fine,” said Larsen, although he didn’t quite believe it himself.

Jack finally looked at Larsen. His face was bleeding. Without hesitation, he reached for Larsen and hugged him tight. Larsen winced in pain but hugged back. They didn’t know what else to do right now.

After a time, they broke apart and looked towards Edgar.

“What do we do?” Jack asked sheepishly.

Larsen got to his feet with considerable effort and handed Jack his car keys. “I have an idea.”


	16. The Alexander Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the happiest ending I could have given to Edgar. But let's see what Chris does when Prep School Rivals hits! I'm sure myself and Beth will be thrilled with the results!

Edgar looked so peaceful in sleep. Just hours ago, his angelic face had been contorted with anger and hatred. Jack could barely recognise the two as the same person. 

He and Larsen had carried Edgar to Larsen’s car and driven him home. Larsen assured Jack that Edgar was just unconscious, and that a hospital wasn’t necessary. Besides, if they took Edgar to a hospital, there would be questions, and the last thing Jack wanted was anyone incriminating Edgar. Jack was amazed that Larsen had been so understanding. Jack knew there were things Edgar never told him about Richard and Marco and his past, and that those things had had a profound effect on his mental health. Edgar needed help, not judgement. Larsen, upon thinking about what it would be like for him if he lost his own brother, decided to help.

Jack had never seen Senator Alexander look so broken when he saw the state Edgar was in, and Larsen’s bloodied face. Jack had barely even seen him show any sort of emotion. Timothy immediately helped the two boys put Edgar to bed and begged Larsen not to say anything to anyone about what Edgar had done.

“Oh my God, are you really thinking about your precious reputation right now?!” Larsen had snapped at him. 

Timothy had been about to cut Larsen off with a scolding, but then he realised: yes, he really was thinking about his precious reputation right now. Good lord, what did that say about him?

When the senator took Larsen downstairs to question him about every single detail of the attack, Jack stayed with Edgar. As Edgar slept, Jack’s mind wandered to the night of Die Daddy Die’s concert. His eyes rested on the picture of Richard that he had spotted that day. Edgar had been so reluctant to talk about Richard. He wondered if that would be any different now.

“He’d hate me now.”

Jack’s head whipped back to Edgar. Edgar was awake, and he looked scared. It terrified Jack. Edgar had always been so strong and open and kind. Edgar had been the one that Jack could rely on when he was afraid. What did it mean if Edgar was the one that was afraid?

“Larsen doesn’t hate you,” said Jack softly. 

Edgar scoffed. “That’s a lie. And I wasn’t talking about him.”

Edgar looked towards the picture of Richard. A tear rolled down his face.

“Of course he wouldn’t hate you!” Jack had no siblings, and he didn’t have to have any to know that no brother of Edgar’s could ever hate him.

Edgar sniffed. “But he would. Everyone does now.”

Jack edged his chair closer to the bed. “I don’t.”

Edgar turned towards Jack. “You don’t love me.”

Jack sighed. “Is that really so terrible?”

Another tear. This was too much for Jack.

“It is to me,” Edgar said, his voice cracking.

Jack took Edgar’s hand. Edgar didn’t flinch, but he didn’t take Jack’s hand either. He just lay there, silently crying.

“Edgar,” Jack tried to find a good way to phrase what he was about to say. He wasn’t sure there was one. “Remember that night when you stayed over, and you told me that no one has ever cared about you the way I care about Larsen? Not even Richard?”

Edgar didn’t move or signal that he’d heard Jack, but he didn’t tell Jack to stop talking either, and so he kept going.

“I think Richard did care about you,” said Jack carefully. “And you care about him, so much. It’s okay if you need time to process everything, Edgar.”

Edgar’s eyes met Jack’s.

“I… I don’t know what it’s like,” said Jack, sheepishly. “I don’t know if I’d ever get over something like that. I’d need a lot of time to…”

Jack didn’t want to say, ‘move on’ or ‘get over it’. It just sounded like the wrong thing to say, so he let that sentence trail off. Edgar was still watching him, his eyes filed with curiosity.

“You’re so strong all the time, Edgar,” whispered Jack. “You made me braver. But you shouldn’t have been doing anything for me, you needed to be doing things for you. No one needs you right now more than you.”

Edgar let out a sob, and Jack knelt down next to him, wiping away his tears.

“I miss him so much…” Edgar whispered. “He was the only one who believed in me or cared about me, and… I’m just so lost without him…”

Jack blinked back tears. It seemed ridiculous to cry in front of Edgar right now, but it just killed Jack to see him look so broken. 

“I care,” Jack said, his voice shaking. “I care, and so many other people care. We’re all here for you.”

Edgar shook his head. “You don’t like me when I’m like this, you like the Edgar that can take you to gigs and… I dunno, smile a lot.”

Jack chuckled. “I like Edgar Alexander, no matter what. That’s a promise.”

Edgar smiled, and for a second, he looked like his old self again. “I like Jack Winters too. Can we be friends again?”

Jack raised an eyebrow. “Are you friendzoning me?”

Edgar let out an empty laugh. “Don’t be too torn up about it, Jack.”

Edgar’s face went blank again. Jack said nothing.

“Can you… tell Larsen I’m sorry?” Edgar choked out.

Jack cocked his head. “Are you?”

Edgar lay back and watched the ceiling. “No. I know that’s horrible, but I’m not. But I will be, once I’m better.”

Jack was silent, so Edgar continued.

“It’s like… I know what I did was wrong. I know I have shit to figure out. But I can’t look Larsen in the eye and tell him I’m sorry because I’m not. But one day, when I have myself back, I’ll be sorry. Does that make sense?”

Edgar said that to Jack, and only Jack, because Jack was the only one who would understand that the real Edgar wasn’t here right now, but he would be one day. And sure enough, Jack nodded his head.

“I know you were just mad because when we met, Larsen wasn’t… very good to me, but”—

Edgar cut him off. “You love him. You don’t have to explain.”

Jack almost spoke again, but there was a knock at the door. Timothy nervously poked his head around the door.

“Jack, can you give me and Edgar some privacy?”

Jack looked back at Edgar, whose face had gone white with dread. Jack squeezed his hand and left the room, taking one last look back at Edgar before Timothy closed the door behind him.

Edgar sat up in his bed, preparing for the hell his father was probably about to unleash on him. Instead, when Timothy turned around after closing the door, he was crying.

“Son…”

This scared Edgar more than any amount of yelling ever could. Timothy sat down on the end of Edgar’s bed.

“I’m so sorry,” said Timothy. He was shaking so much Edgar could feel it on his mattress. “I… I miss your brother too. I lost myself in my work and my duties to try and distract myself and instead… I just alienated the only family I have left.”

Edgar was shaking now too. He’d never seen his father look so vulnerable before.

“You… you felt so lost that you felt like you had to do… that.” Timothy finally looked at his son. “You’re not well, Edgar.”

Edgar turned his head towards the window. Time to get one last look at the outside world. “You’re gonna send me away to avoid a scandal, right?”

Timothy got up and blocked Edgar’s view, kneeling down next to him. “No. What’s going to happen is I’m going to be here for you, elections be damned. And we’re going to move past all this together. We’re going to be a proper family. And most of all, you’re going to be okay.”

Edgar was smiling, but Timothy had neglected to mention one important detail.

“I’m going to take you out of Prospere Academy,” said Timothy warily. “At least for a little while. I just don’t think you’re ready to be around so many other people right now…”

To Senator Alexander’s surprise, Edgar looked incredibly relieved. Edgar was certain that word about what he’d done to Larsen would get out in no time, so he was in no hurry to face his peers again.

Edgar nodded. “I could use some family time. I think. I’ve never grieved before. Not even for mom. I didn’t know how.”

Timothy smiled a sad smile and looked towards the picture of Richard. “Me neither, Edgar. But we’ll do it together.”

Edgar looked at the picture too. He smiled, and for the first time in a long time, he felt like Richard was smiling back at him.

*

Jack found his way to the foyer where Larsen was waiting.

“He awake yet?”

Jack nodded. “He says he’s sorry.”

Larsen looked confused. “He does?”

Jack carefully said, “yes”. Larsen didn’t need to know that Edgar didn’t mean it right now. One day he would.

Then Jack asked a question that really frightened him as he gestured towards the cuts that decorated Larsen’s face. “What are you gonna tell everyone?”

Larsen raised an eyebrow, pointing at his face. “These? You don’t remember? I fell down the stairs, it was a stupid accident. Thank God you were there. Panicking about a hospital or something. But it turns out I’ll be fine. I’ll be a little sore for a while, but it’s nothing serious. Oh, and Edgar is taking some time off school, but he’ll be back right as rain in no time. You should visit him.”

Jack smiled wide and gave Larsen a ferocious hug.

“Jesus, ow.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jack said, pulling away quickly. He was still grinning.

“I didn’t think you’d wanna protect Edgar.”

Larsen shrugged. “He thought he’d lost you. I get why he was so angry.”


	17. Leaps of Faith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody I love Tracy Davis unconditionally. (Also I've nearly finished this?? That's... so weird)

As summer approached, curious gossip gatherers inquired hungrily about Edgar’s disappearance. Jack and Larsen didn’t tell a soul, even when Gabby or Fareed asked about it. Jack wanted everyone to remember Edgar as he was, not as the person he became when he attacked Larsen. He was confident that Edgar would go back to being that wonderful, warm person he’d come to know soon enough.

The only people who remained blissfully unaware of any Edgar drama, because they’d barely noticed anything or anyone outside of each other the past spring, were Rachel and Tracy. They had big plans for the summer.

“Dude, I can’t WAIT to see Mount Rushmore!” Tracy said excitedly, bouncing up and down as the two ate their lunches at an outdoor picnic table in the school grounds on a warm June afternoon.

“That’s not on our list, Trace.”

“Oh, it’s not?” Tracy opened a marker with her teeth, quickly scribbled ‘Mount Rushmore’ on the corner of a beautifully colour co-ordinated map of the USA (Rachel’s handiwork) and continued eating. Rachel giggled, shaking her head. She’d have to plan the route again a little, but anything to make Tracy happy.

Tracy finished her lunch and began looking forlornly at Illinois. “Do you think your dad will miss you?”

Rachel chuckled resiliently. “Are you kidding me? I’ll be calling him all the time with updates. He’ll have my number blocked by August.”

Tracy rolled her eyes. “No one could get sick of our adventures, Rachel.”

Larsen spotted the two girls giggling and chatting away and having been curious about their mysterious absences from social events and hushed conversations the past few months, decided to approach them.

“Hey guys, where have you been hiding?”

Larsen thought the two would attempt to conceal what they were working on, but instead, their eyes lit up.

“We’re going on a SUMMER ADVENTURE!” Tracy yelled with glee, holding up the map.

Larsen’s eyes squinted as he examined Tracy’s pride and joy. “Those are some… brightly coloured states.”

“I have brightly coloured markers,” said Rachel, proudly holding up a pack of neon Sharpies. Oh wow, she’d been spending way too much time with Tracy.

Tracy’s eyes were wild now. “We wanna get out of Beaumont, Larsen! We wanna see the WORLD! So, we’re taking this summer to explore and, who knows! We might spend the rest of our damn lives exploring!”

Tracy was so happy, but she came down from her high when she saw Larsen’s face drop.

“You’re coming back for senior year, right?” said Larsen, dejected.

Rachel looked down at the table. She didn’t expect anyone to miss her, and when they showed that they would, she didn’t know what to do with it. “I don’t know… maybe? But also, maybe not. I don’t know.”

“Oh…” Larsen knew Rachel was having something of a quarter-life crisis, but he’d never have expected her to drop school like that. He wasn’t disappointed in how much she’d changed, though. Not in the slightest. In fact, he was only sad because he wished he could have had more time with this new and improved Rachel before she went off exploring.

“I’ll miss you guys. Have a great time out there,” he said with a small smile. Rachel sighed with relief.

“I’ll miss you too.” She got up and hugged him.

“Group hug!” Larsen barely let out an anxious ‘oh God’ before Tracy crushed them both in a tight embrace. Rachel giggled. 

Tracy pulled away and looked at Rachel with a giddy grin. “Rachel, can you, um… get me another juice box?”

Rachel pointed towards the table, confused. “Tracy, you have a juice box.”

Tracy paused. “Right… I do… get yourself a juice box! You deserve it!”

Rachel laughed. “Okay, I’ll do that. Real slowly.”

Rachel skipped off and Tracy immediately turned towards Larsen, speaking in a hurried and hushed tone.

“Do you think she knew I was trying to get rid of her?” Tracy said with complete sincerity. 

Yes, of course, but Larsen knew better than to say that. He simply shook his head.

“Okay, I’m throwing Rachel a surprise leaving party next week,” Tracy murmured, pulling a very glittery homemade invitation out of her back pocket and pressing it into Larsen’s hand. “Come along, if you’re not doing anything. And if you are doing anything, cancel it and come see me and Rachel off.”

“Wow, Tracy, this is amazing… you did all this for Rachel?”

Tracy shrugged. “It can’t be any better than all those surprise birthday parties you and Jack have probably thrown for her.”

Larsen cocked his head. “What?”

Tracy looked so offended. “Oh my God, first the chocolates and now THIS?!”

“Chocolates?”

“Ugh, never mind.”

Tracy sat back down, inspecting her map, an open marker at the ready. She had so many destinations she needed to add before Rachel finalised their route. Larsen was about to leave but something was stopping him. He knew he had to talk to someone about how he was feeling. It was becoming more and more difficult to keep secrets from Jack, and Tracy, hyperactive oblivious Tracy, might be the only person who would get it.

“Tracy… would you date Rachel?”

Tracy looked over at Larsen, not fazed at all by his question. “Sure, I would. Why, did she say anything to you? She knows she can just ask me, right?”

“No, it’s not that, I mean… you’d date a girl?”

Tracy rolled her eyes and turned back to her map. “It’s not that big a deal, Larsen, I’ve done more than date girls. You know Rebecca from our math class? She is one dirty girl, I’ll tell you right now”—

“Or you could not tell me,” Larsen said quickly. He sat down next to Tracy.

“I mean… if you dated a girl, you’d be okay with people knowing?”

Tracy was still studying her map. “Is this about you and Jack?”

Larsen flinched. “Did Rachel tell you?”

Tracy looked affronted. “Of course she didn’t, she’d never do that. You and Jack did. With your eyes, whenever you look at each other. It’s really obvious, I’m surprised no one else has figured it out.”

Larsen shrugged. “I’m… certainly not complaining that they haven’t.”

He had expected Tracy to ask him why that was. She didn’t. He was relieved.

“You don’t think it’s weird that I don’t want anyone to know?”

Tracy finally faced him again. “Honestly? No. I think I know why you don’t, but it would be a lot easier if you explained it. For you, not for me.”

Larsen swallowed and, for the first time, tried to explain it out loud.

“There’s nothing wrong with Jack, and there’s nothing wrong with me,” Larsen said softly. “I know that, but it’s like my brain doesn’t. It’s like I know there’s nothing wrong with it, but I still think there is. I can’t turn it off. I don’t know, that’s probably…”

Tracy grimaced and put a hand on Larsen’s shoulder. “That never really goes away. Not for a long time, anyway.”

Larsen was comforted knowing he was not alone, but disappointed to discover there was no quick fix. Tracy had always made life look so simple and cheerful but even she didn’t have all the answers.

Tracy saw the change in Larsen’s expression and went on. “It’s okay to be scared. We’re not exactly in the most accepting place in the world. But the best thing to do to shut your brain up is to just be you. Spend less time along with the voices in your head feeding you bullshit about how gross you are and more time with people who love you and support you.”

Larsen looked at Tracy. “You make it sound really easy.”

Tracy let out a laugh. “Oh, it’s not. But honestly, what you guys have is really special. Don’t let anyone take it away from you. Especially not you.”

Larsen’s breath caught in his throat. “I’m… really scared.”

Tracy shrugged. “If you’re scared, that means it’s important to you. That must count for something, right?”

Before they could say anymore, Rachel approached them. Tracy quickly motioned for Larsen to hide his invitation, and they both did their best to act natural upon her return. Rachel was not convinced.

“What were you guys… talking about?” said Rachel, restraining a giggle.

Tracy replied with her best deadpan voice. “Hardcore pornography.”

Rachel let out a belly laugh. “Good for you. I’m gonna have a juice box now.”

Larsen smiled as he watched Rachel sit down, practically glowing. He’d never seen her this happy before. It reminded him of how happy he could be with Jack. As much as he didn’t want any of their peers giving him a hard time, and as loud as the invisible detractors in his head could be, Larsen wanted to give Jack the life he deserved. It was really hard to do that with all the secrecy surrounding their relationship.

As he left the girls to their road trip planning, he wondered if maybe it was time to face his fears. After all, they couldn’t be all that scary if he faced them with Jack.


	18. Farewells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I did a bit of a parallel with the last episode of PSB: there's a party involved, also I worked in Larsen's Iconic Gay line. Or tried my best to, at least. LMAO why do you all read my garbage
> 
> Anyway, second last chapter, let's go!

Tracy had wasted no time inviting every last person she could find wandering the halls and grounds of Prospere Academy to Rachel’s farewell party. Tracy had even invited some of her public school friends. She loved seeing Rachel happy. Rachel had been smiling so much recently, especially since her visit with Gabby, and Tracy wanted to keep it that way. She sometimes regretted not being the one to help Rachel find herself but was so glad she’d get to be with Rachel all summer discovering what they both wanted to get out of life.

It was 3pm on a Saturday, two days before the beginning of Tracy and Rachel’s road trip around the US, and Tracy had set Jack, Larsen, Fareed and Gabby to work putting up decorations as the guests began to arrive. Tracy had even sent a letter to Alexander Manor with an invitation for Edgar. Edgar had actually written back to her, wax stamp and all, but regrettably had to decline her kind invitation. Only around half of Tracy’s invitees turned up but given the fact that Tracy had invited an ungodly amount of people, this was probably for the best. Tracy’s house was not entirely spacious. 

“Tracy, this seems like an excessive amount of homemade paper garlands,” Fareed remarked as he sellotaped them as elegantly as possible to the walls. Tracy shot Fareed a look that made him pipe right down.

“He didn’t mean that, Chloe,” Gabby mock whispered to her bump as she meticulously planted bright pink helium balloons around Tracy’s living room.

“She’s coming!” Jack squeaked. Everyone in the room ran for cover, but they all went for the couch, leading to a comical amount of people ducking down in plain sight as Rachel entered the house.

“Tracy, it’s me,” Rachel called from the entrance. She sounded tired, exasperated even. “Sorry I’m late”—she was early— “I got here as quick as I could, dropped all my packing and everything, what’s going”—

“SURPRISE!!”

Rachel perpetually screamed “what?!” as guests continued to shout surprise, walking over to her and showering her with hugs and well wishes. 

Tracy was the last to approach Rachel. “Are you surprised?!”

Rachel was utterly speechless. Her eyes welled up. “Tracy…”

Tracy hugged her, and Rachel let her head drop onto Tracy’s shoulder. 

“No one’s ever done anything like this for me before,” she whispered.

Tracy glared at Jack and Larsen over Rachel’s shoulder. “Oh, I know.” Jack and Larsen looked at each other, rolling their eyes.

Rachel was in utter disbelief that any of this was happening. Just last year, everyone here had hated her, and now they had all come to celebrate her. Tracy had made this happen. Her whole new life was about to unfold, and she had Tracy to thank. As she made conversation with all the guests, Rachel kept looking over at Tracy, blown away by how lucky she was to be her friend.

Larsen couldn’t stop thinking about his and Tracy’s conversation at the picnic table as he watched Rachel enjoying her party, talking to people she never would have given the time of day to before, laughing and dancing and having the time of her life. Larsen’s thoughts wandered to Tracy and Rachel’s friendship, and how they interacted on a daily basis. Rachel hugged Tracy all the time, and they were always together. Anyone could see how happy they made each other, so what was so wrong with him being with Jack publicly and being just as happy as Tracy and Rachel were right now?

Tracy sat down next to Larsen with a bottle of beer, smiling wide when she noticed he was looking at Rachel. “She’s really pretty when she’s happy, isn’t she?”

Larsen smiled, nodding. “Yeah.”

Tracy nudged Larsen affectionately. “Are you thinking about Jack?”

Larsen grimaced. “Yeah.”

Tracy’s face lit up. She had an idea. “Hey, as a leaving gift, can you do something for me?”

Larsen looked towards Tracy, nervous. He knew she could be into some weird stuff. Tracy read his expression and burst out laughing.

“Oh God, no,” she said, buckling over. When she regained her composure, she looked Larsen right in the eyes and carefully spoke. “Tell Jack everything you told me.”

Larsen averted her gaze. “But what if he takes it personally?”

Tracy sighed. “And what if he feels the same way you do?”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Larsen winced, thinking back to the night Jack prayed. “Everyone’s gonna be so awful to him.”

Tracy shrugged. “Wouldn’t it be better to face it together?”

Larsen looked over to Jack, who was dancing without a care to Tracy’s CD collection. In spite of himself, Larsen wanted to be up there dancing with him. Maybe it was time to tell him. Tracy could be right about a lot of things, after all.

“Can we use your bedroom?” said Larsen. Tracy’s jaw dropped.

“Jesus, no, for talking! I’m going to talk to him, in private, that’s all!”

Tracy’s face relaxed. “Oh. Okay. I mean I would have been fine with it either way, I just didn’t expect it.”

Larsen nodded and quickly excused himself from his conversation with Tracy. He tapped Jack on the shoulder. Jack turned around, and a huge grin spread across his face upon seeing Larsen.

“Larsen!! You gotta dance with me! THIS IS THE BEST SONG EVER!” Jack said, giggling hysterically. Larsen laughed a little with him.

“Hey, can we talk?”

The words “we need to talk” and any variation thereupon had always struck fear into Jack’s heart, but he agreed. Larsen stole one last glance back at Tracy, who gave him a confident thumbs up as he and Jack headed upstairs.

Larsen’s silence made Jack nervous as they headed into Tracy’s room. What Larsen said when they were actually in there sent his nerves into overdrive.

“I love you too.”

Jack felt a surge of joy in his chest, but then registered that Larsen had said “too”. He was confused for a second, but then he remembered. The morning after their picnic. Oh. Right.

“You heard me,” Jack said as the colour drained from his face. Larsen smiled.

“Yeah, I heard you,” said Larsen softly. “I wanted to say it back so bad, but I was really scared.”

Jack felt like there was a lot more Larsen had to get off his chest.

“When I said I wasn’t ashamed of you, I meant it,” said Larsen, terrified of looking Jack in the eyes so instead settled for staring directly at his feet. “I just… we grew up in places that… weren’t entirely accepting, and… sometimes it’s hard for me to realise, there’s nothing wrong with me and… not that there’s anything wrong with you, and… oh my god, when you prayed you were so scared, and…”

Jack put a hand on Larsen’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Larsen shrugged. “I don’t know. I was scared? I’m scared of everything, I guess. This is who I am now. You’re the worst influence.”

Jack couldn’t help but laugh a little. “I’m scared too.”

There was a short silence, and then Jack spoke again.

“Maybe it won’t be so scary now that we know we’re both scared?” Jack suggested. 

Larsen finally looked up at him. Jack always had a way of calming him right down. There was no one like him. Larsen didn’t want to be scared anymore.

Larsen took Jack’s hand and motioned towards the door. “I’m still scared, but let’s go and be scared together.”

Jack smiled nervously and held on tightly to Larsen’s hand as they went downstairs. They didn’t break apart as they sat down on the couch together. They both caught Tracy’s eye, and she became so happy she was almost bouncing up and down on the spot. 

Larsen had expected more people to be staring, but they were too engrossed in the party. A few people looked over at them and Jack was almost amused by how much their eyes seemed to twitch when they saw that two boys were holding hands, but other than that, so far so good.

“It’s nice not having to wait until everyone’s gone before I can hold your hand,” said Jack. Larsen nodded, resting his head on Jack’s shoulder. 

“I like this a lot so far,” Larsen murmured, though his heart was beating so fast it threatened to burst out his chest. He had mostly laid his head down out of necessity, it was spinning so rapidly he felt sick. “It’s not so bad, being scared together.”

Jack grinned, wrapping an arm around Larsen and pulling him closer. A tall brunette girl who Jack assumed was one of Tracy’s public school friends took notice of this and gagged before turning to a boy who seemed to have his hand on her ass. Under the skirt, no less. Damn.

“Gross,” said the brunette in disgust.

Before Jack and Larsen had any time to react, a furious voice had piped up on their behalf. Everyone was stunned to discover that it was Tracy.

“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

Everyone went quiet. They couldn’t speak, even if they wanted to. No one had ever seen Tracy angry before. They’d never even seen her agitated. But now, she’d entered into a white-hot rage. Even Rachel looked gobsmacked. 

“Chelsea Graham, even a total dumbass like your good self must see how ADORABLE they are?!” Tracy screamed at the dumbfounded brunette that Jack supposed was Chelsea Graham. “Look at them! Look at how COMFORTABLE they are together!! And you call them GROSS?! They’re just holding hands, this guy’s practically fingering your asshole in public! God, straight people are fucking wild.”

“Oh wow,” Rachel let out before she could stop herself. Tracy didn’t stop.

“Why’s it so gross, CHELSEA?! Why, is it not NATURAL?!” Tracy kept shouting. She pointed a finger so suddenly and so close to Chelsea’s face that it threatened to go right up the scared brunette girl’s nose. “These two boys are in love, so what?! I know for a fact you’ve been fucking Mark’s best friend behind his back, but hey, I guess that’s not as GROSS because you’re not both guys?!”

Realisation dawned on Jack and Larsen that the boy becoming very well acquainted with Chelsea’s butt must be Mark, as he quickly withdrew his hand with an accusatory look in Chelsea’s direction.

“I’ve known for so long that these two were in love, and now they’re finally brave enough to share it not only with each other, but with everyone else! And you behave this way?! You are everything that’s wrong with America, Chelsea! You PERSONALLY! Now say you’re sorry!”

Jack, Larsen and Rachel had expected this girl to laugh Tracy off, but she didn’t. She looked horrified. Tracy must be more respected by her public school peers than her prep school ones, Rachel thought to herself. 

Chelsea looked over at Jack and Larsen. She looked genuinely remorseful, so much so that the boys couldn’t be angry with her. Larsen especially couldn’t, as he considered that the thoughts Chelsea had were very much also present in his own mind. They’d both have to get rid of them, just in different ways. He supposed that everyone had a lot of unlearning to do.

“I’m… I’m really sorry,” Chelsea said sorrowfully. “I don’t even know why I said that. I wish I was as brave as you two.” Tracy’s demeanour immediately changed.

“Thank you for saying that, Chelsea,” said Tracy, beaming. There was no trace left of the angry, passionate girl who had been giving Chelsea a scolding she wouldn’t soon forget. “Now, I say it’s time for booze!”

“It’s 5pm,” Rachel couldn’t help but point out, just as bewildered as everyone else by Tracy’s drastic mood swing.

“Exactly, Rachel!” Tracy said excitedly, skipping off towards the kitchen. There was some nervous laughter, and several glances in Jack and Larsen’s direction, before the party gradually resumed its previous carefree atmosphere.

With the party guests preoccupied, and Mark and Chelsea having an especially lively conversation about the relationship between Chelsea and Mark’s absent best friend, Gabrielle and Fareed sat down next to Jack and Larsen.

“Gone public, then?” said Gabby, smiling. Jack blushed.

“Guess so,” he said, but his voice was shaking. While Tracy had stood up for them, Chelsea’s remarks had done nothing to ease his mind. It was only going to get worse.

Fareed, picking up on Jack and Larsen’s nervousness, rolled his eyes. “God, people like that girl… I don’t get it. What’s the big deal? Why is everyone so… eager to get into everyone else’s business?”

Gabby watched Fareed curiously as he spoke.

“No really, think about it,” Fareed continued to ramble. “I’m depressed, Gabby’s pregnant, Jack and Larsen like boys – I just, I don’t understand why people are so judgy. Shit happens. It’s none of their damn business.”

Gabby put a hand over Fareed’s. “We’re hardly gonna change the world. But we do have each other. We can get through all of this together.”

Jack nodded, resting his head on Larsen’s. “I guess we’re all scared. But it would be scarier if we didn’t have each other.”

Larsen sat up, a playful look in his eyes. “Also, Fareed, you’re actually wrong, I don’t like boys.” He looked towards Jack, who had his eyebrows raised. “I like THIS boy.”

Jack sighed, rolling his eyes. “Really?”

“Get a damn room, lovebirds,” Gabby jokingly grumbled.

And they all laughed, ready to face the rest of their lives together.


	19. One Year Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An epilogue set one year after the previous chapter! It's far too happy and idealistic, but that's just my style. I love fluff, I guess? It's totally cool if you don't though! Also the last bit is in there entirely because I think I'm funny.
> 
> Okay, but thank you for reading my fanfic! I originally just wrote it for me because I don't like unfinished stories, but now the story is going to get finished by the actual author who also reads my fanfiction and doesn't hate it which is still wild to me! Thanks so much for indulging the writings of an emotional meme lord. See y'all in Prep School Rivals xx

Gabby was awake at 4am again. It wasn’t ideal, she had a college interview in the morning, but if Chloe needs her bottle at an ungodly hour, Gabby would happily oblige. Well, maybe not so happily.

Gabby stood in the kitchen as she waited for the milk to heat up, rocking Chloe back and forth as she cried and gently shushing her. God, motherhood was tiresome, no matter how cute her baby was.

Fareed entered, rubbing his eyes sleepily. “She okay?”

Gabby sighed. “Go back to bed, she’s alright. The usual.”

Fareed shook his head as he carefully slid Chloe from Gabby’s arms into his own. “No, you go back to bed. Big day tomorrow.”

Gabby smiled, fatigued, as she gazed at Fareed and Chloe. “How did I get so lucky?”

“Might ask you the same thing,” said Fareed. They both grinned at each other, and Chloe immediately started screaming.

“Ugh, mommy’s doing the thing again, isn’t she?” Gabby giggled. She prepared Chloe’s bottle, sat it on the counter and kissed Chloe and Fareed on their cheeks. “I love you both.”

“Bed. Now,” said Fareed, as he gently fed Chloe the much-anticipated milk.

Gabby giggled and stumbled to her bed, where she fell asleep before her head hit the pillow.

*

Rachel and Tracy, true to their word, hadn’t returned to Prospere Academy for their senior year. The world was calling them after they’d finished their USA road trip, and it was too irresistible for them to refuse. They’d toured Europe, and Asia, and now they were in Australia. And through it all, they never got sick of each other. If anything, they grew closer every day, and had a new adventure together with every new sunrise.

It was a humid morning when Tracy awoke in a shabby youth hostel with Rachel by her side. They didn’t mind sharing a bed now, after many a night sleeping in a car together. Tracy had been worried Rachel would kick her, but the fear proved to be unfounded. Rachel was a very peaceful sleeper; prone to talking in her sleep sometimes, but it was more amusing than disruptive.

This particular morning, Tracy was about to get up and pack all their things in preparation for their next adventure, when she heard Rachel speak. She’d said something inaudible, which was unusual for her.

“What’s that, Rach?” Tracy said with a smirk, folding Rachel’s clothes as neatly as possible and placing them carefully inside her battered suitcase. Rachel spoke again, softly and clearly, but still sleeping peacefully.

“I love you, Tracy.”

Tracy half smiled. Well, she’d expected that eventually. She sat next to Rachel, who was curled in a ball, the covers abandoned on the floor. Tracy moved several stray clumps of hair from Rachel’s face. Rachel was smiling in her sleep, breathing steadily, finally having reached the inner peace she’d longed for during her years at Prospere Academy.

“We’ll deal with that when you tell me when you’re… awake, okay?” said Tracy, still smoothing Rachel’s hair.

Rachel nodded slightly, rolling over and muttering something about hogging all the cheese puffs. Tracy giggled, covered Rachel with the blanket she had rejected in her sleep, and went back to packing. She and Rachel would talk about whatever they were to each other eventually, just not now. Everything was perfect, just the way it was.

*

Timothy Alexander was finally experiencing his first gig. He would never have pegged Die Daddy Die as his type of music. He still wasn’t so sure it was his type of music, in all honesty, but he was immensely enjoying watching his son come to life as he performed.

Edgar happily relayed a rather familiar setlist with his bandmates, and they were all thrilled to be reunited. Fans of Die Daddy Die in the audience were in agreement that the band’s sound had changed slightly, but it was for the better. They were still energised and angry as ever, but even then, they seemed happier. It showed in their music.

Edgar finished his father’s first show the same way he finished every show; with the ballad he wrote for Jack, all about fate and destiny. He didn’t sing it about Jack anymore, however. He sang it about himself. He sang every night about his own fate and destiny, and how he would do everything he could to live the best life he could, even if the brother he wanted so desperately to share it with wasn’t here anymore. 

When he was done, he climbed off the stage and ran into his father’s arms, who embraced Edgar enthusiastically.

“That was incredible,” Timothy yelled over the audience’s cheers. “Did you write all those songs?!”

“Most of them, a lot of them were team efforts though,” said Edgar, grinning like a child. His father hugged him again.

“I am so, so proud of you,” said Timothy. “Richard would be too.”

Edgar usually hated it when people brought up his brother. They, in his view, had no idea what they were talking about. But this was the first time he truly, genuinely believed what someone had to say about Richard: he could practically see Richard in the audience as he performed, singing and occasionally dancing along to all the music.

“I love you,” said Edgar, half to his father and half to Richard, wherever he was now. 

*

Under the railroad tracks in their familiar spot in the woods, Jack was talking Larsen’s ear off while Larsen patiently listened.

“And I get to do all these separate courses!” Jack continued, excitedly explaining every tiny detail of his new drama school as Larsen smoked a cigarette, smiling at Jack’s enthusiasm. “I can never choose between directing, writing and acting, and now I don’t have to! I mean obviously I’ll end up choosing one over the other eventually, but for now, I don’t have to think about that! This is all I’ve wanted for so long, Larsen!”

Jack’s voice trailed off, and suddenly he looked sad. Larsen finished his cigarette.

“You okay?” said Larsen.

Jack exhaled. “I… I’m sorry, for a second I forgot how far away it is.”

Larsen leaned back against the rocks. Jack couldn’t read his expression.

“Right. Yeah. Pretty far away,” said Larsen plainly. He looked away. His shoulders were shaking. Oh no, was he crying?

Jack put a hand on Larsen’s shoulder. “Oh, oh no, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to go on like that… I really am going to miss you so much, but you can come visit me all the time”—

Larsen turned around. He wasn’t crying. He was laughing. Jack frowned.

“What’s so funny?”

Larsen continued to laugh and reached into his pocket. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore.”

Larsen pulled out a crumpled sheet of paper and handed it to Jack. Jack read it, his face gradually lighting up the more he read.

“So, I didn’t get a whole lot of offers for college,” explained Larsen. “Yeah, turns out you have to give a shit about school to do well in it. But I figured, I kinda liked doing tech for all those drama club shows, and there was a job going at this one venue”—

“This is the theatre my college uses for productions!” Jack practically screamed.

Larsen grinned from ear to ear. “Damn right. You’re never getting rid of me.”

Jack tackled Larsen with a hug and they both fell to the ground, laughing gleefully. When they’d calmed down, Jack giddily kissed Larsen. When they broke apart, they both lay on the forest floor, smiling blissfully.

“I wasn’t this excited about life before meeting you, you know,” Larsen remarked. 

Jack shrugged. “I wasn’t this brave before meeting you.”

Larsen smiled and took Jack’s hand. “I’m really glad we met.”

“Like, on the bus that one time or when you bullied me out of a junkyard?”

Larsen thought for a moment. “Both. I love you, but I also love wrecking nerds.”

Jack laughed, and then they were both silent. They stayed in their spot in the woods for a long time that day, as long as possible before it was time to start the next phase of their lives. Everything was going to be just fine.

*

Brandon O’Reilly was being sent to Headmaster DuBois’ office again. He had exploded in his last class, told the teacher exactly what he thought of the harmful view that a person’s life would fall apart without going to college in a rather colourful way and was now paying the price. He sat outside the office, sulking away, for several minutes. Too many minutes. Something was definitely wrong.

Brandon could hardly believe he wanted to speed up his punishment, but he knocked on the door, hoping Headmaster DuBois would answer and he could get this over with.

“Um… come in?”

That wasn’t Headmaster DuBois’ voice. Huh.

Brandon opened the door and was stunned by the sight before him. In a small chair facing Headmaster DuBois’ desk was one of the prettiest girls he had ever seen. She had wavy black hair that cascaded down her slender shoulders, a cute mousy face and unusually elegant posture. She looked nervous.

“Oh, um… hi,” said Brandon. He felt he should sit down, he felt so awkward standing in the doorway like this. The only available seat was Headmaster DuBois’. Well… he was in trouble anyway, what could a little more trouble do to hurt him? Brandon sat down in the large office chair opposite the girl, not caring if the headmaster caught Brandon in his chair or not.

“Who are you?” said the girl, confused. “Where’s Headmaster DuBois?”

“I’m Brandon O’Reilly,” said Brandon. Huh. Why did he say his last name too? That was weird. He was just really nervous. This girl was so pretty. “I guess… Headmaster DuBois is out?”

The girl nodded, bewildered. Brandon desperately tried to think of something else to say. Oh, he could ask her for her name!

“Who are you?”

Oh, that had come out a little more demanding than intended. The girl, indeed, seemed to have taken some offense. Who was this boy to demand to know who she was?

“I’m Cecelia Chang? I’m a transfer student. I don’t think we’ve met.”

Okay, Brandon, you can dig yourself out of this hole, he thought to himself. He just had to play it smooth. Okay, maybe… a joke. Or a pick-up line!

In Brandon’s haste, he chose a rather clumsy combination of the two.

“Are you here for some discipline?”


End file.
